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3 Bumps

HELP!!! My husband is thinking about divorce because he says he missed out on the single life.

First off, my husband and I have been married over 4 years. We have been together for close to 6. He is in the military. Always gone on deployments or trainings. Well, he just recently got back from his deployment training and the day before he came home he told me he just wasn't happy, not necessarily in our relationship just not in general. Obviously that was out of the blue and I had no clue what was going on. Everything had been so good. He also told me he missed out on the single life and being with all of the single marines made him reconsider wanting the married life. When he got home we talked. I found a number that looked suspicious so obviously a family member that was being there for me decided to call it. It was a girl she said they met out in town while he was at training and they only had friendly convos nothing serious but she didn't know he was married. He is soon to deploy like very soon what do I do?

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usmcwife200913

Asked by usmcwife200913 at 12:42 PM on Jun. 12, 2013 in Relationships

Level 2 (9 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • ??
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 12:43 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • Wow that really sucks- so sorry. You may want to connect w/ other military wives to find out if this is a phase some military men go thru or not. I def. think counseling is in order here. Since he is being deployed again soon, see if you can get him to go to a session or 2 before he leaves, so he will at least have some things to think about while he's away. And you should continue counseling while he's away too, to prepare yourself in case he doesn't snap out of it. GL & *hugs*

    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 12:47 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • Well, if he wants to work on your marriage, point outto him that now he'll not only have missed the single life, he'll miss out on family life as well. Two mistakes won't erase his regret, they'll only double it. If he doesn't want to work on the marriage, then nothing you say will change that.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:47 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • Also, he says he wants to be with me. But I think I am trying way too hard. Yes, we have had sex since he has been home I mean he is my husband still after all. And we do not have any children yet. We were actually going to try after this deployment. I really want our marriage to work. He is all I have ever known since we got married at such a young age. He said that he feels guilty and he doesn't know why it even crossed his mind and also he used a fake name with the woman he was talking to. He said he doesn't want to hurt me again ( he said he didn't cheat on me thats why he is telling me because he doesn't want to cheat on me and hurt me even worse) I told him he needed to get this all out of this mind, and prevent the temptations. If he truly wants to work this out he needs to try. PS counseling is a def no go because he has never believed in that he believes in talking everything with your spouse
    usmcwife200913

    Comment by usmcwife200913 (original poster) at 12:47 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • sounds like he is already cheating and looking for an excuse to get out of the marriage
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 12:58 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • I'd start with asking him not to make any changes until after he comes back from deployment. I would imagine (and can only imagine, having never been in the military) that being deployed would make anyone nervous and stressed, and it could easily be that rather than face any fears or concerns he has about deployment, he's looking for any other excuse he can come up with.

    I assume he'll have some kind of access to email? I would ask him to talk things out with you through emails. It could take the pressure off since you can take time to think about how you want to respond - both of you. You won't be able to scream and yell at each other, which will also help.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 1:04 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • I apologize. I was trying to answer some old Unanswered Questions and it looks like I got to yours by mistake. Please excuse my ??'s!
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 1:10 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • Only he knows but it sounds like he has a person of interest.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 1:19 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • I would say that counseling would be very important here. It's hard to say he could be really honest and communicating before he were to do something he will regret. But, also having that on your mind can be awful. I would say that the true test on your relationship is when he's deployed again and to trust that he's not thinking of cheating. good luck
    Sillylins

    Answer by Sillylins at 1:36 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • Go to counseling YOURSELF without him. But if he won't go, don't expect the marriage to survive. Sounds like he was too immature to be married.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:36 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

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