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3 Bumps

I am so pissed! *Vent.*

I am spitting bullets! My blood is boiling like molten lava!

My stepson had some trouble in his summer school class a few weeks ago. He got accused of not turning in his homework, swore at the teacher and stormed out. The teacher found the homework and agreed to let the kid back in the class if he did a hundred extra math problems as punishment for cussing and leaving the classroom in a rage. His dad and I talked to him about how life wasn't always fair and said he would have to suck it up and do the homework so he could return to the class. He needs the high school credit. He has ADHD and Asperger's, among other issues.

Well, apparently my stepson went home and complained to his mom that he hated the teacher and didn't want to go back or do the extra work, and she took the easy way out and withdrew him from the summer course. Then she didn't tell us that's what she did, and we only found out because his older sister is in town and she let us know her brother hadn't been back in school all of last week and this. My boyfriend talked to his ex, and she was annoyed with her daughter for saying anything to us! She was just going to let it be their little secret, her and my stepson. She reminded him that I'm not the kid's mom so I shouldn't even have a say about anything.

I feel so undermined. I'm not his mom , I shouldn't get a say--except when he needs money or help on his homework or someone to find places he can do community service hours. I've been the one who pushed for medical testing to get a diagnosis of his problems, the one who searche for and found a pediatric dentist who was used to working with special needs kids so he could get a broken tooth pulled; his mom had put it off for months, and the only way to get it done was to do it myself. His mom thinks being a good parent means watching TV with her son every night and letting him get away with anything because he's handicapped. She's fine with the idea of him getting on Disability and living with her forever. I think he could do so much more with his life than that--but I'm not the mom! I think she should enroll him in the Asperger's group for teens that has been offered to her, it's right near their house and he could interact with kids who have problems like his and be taught coping techniques and social skills, but I'm not the mom! I think he should have had to work to pay off the court costs that came of his impulsive acts of firesetting and vandalism, but I'm not the mom! I can't believe she just let him off the hook again!

 
Ballad

Asked by Ballad at 2:45 PM on Jun. 12, 2013 in Relationships

Level 45 (193,996 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • You want the best for him, but obviously Mom doesn't. It sucks, since the kid is the one who will pay the price for his mother's attitude, but there's nothing you can do about it.

    If I were in your shoes, I'd stop helping altogether. Next time she asks you to do anything for the kid, be super sweet and say, "Oh, I would, but I'm not his mother, and that sounds like a mother's task." If she says anything more, remind her that SHE'S the one who "put you in your place" and you're only trying to make sure you stay there. If she doesn't like it...well, she can either suck it up and do her damn job herself or she can admit that while you may not be his mother, you are obviously a big part of his life and are trying to help him be the best person he can be.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 6:00 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • I understand your frustration, but the truth is that there is not one thing you can do about any of this. All you can do is love on the boy when he is with you. Remember the Alcoholic Anonymous prayer? God grant me the power to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference(or something like that!).
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:08 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • I'm sorry. While she is right that you aren't his mother, she still needs to consider his father. It's sad when adults don't want better for their children.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 2:56 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • hugs

    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 2:49 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • GRRR! I get it, but what can you do, the sad thing is the kid will pay the price, just be a good step mommy and be quiet, just kidding, but really other than to let it go you can only go toe to toe with her, kwim? Ask his father to step in and help his kid do the right thing.
    2kids2dogs2cats

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 3:03 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • I hope everything gets worked out.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 2:52 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • been there done that
    the mom would call dad and tell dad to tell me to make the appointment to get the kid's Rx refilled. the kid lived with mom >.<

    i finally said enough. i told dad he and mom could figure it out on their own because i had my own kids to tend to. dad admitted i had been put in a tough spot and it was reasonable to either be offered a modicum of respect or stop being expected to play secretary
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 2:53 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • I feel bad, hope it gets worked out too. Take a deep breath & try to remain calm.

    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 2:57 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • Now that your BF is dealing with his parents, will he be able to handle AND override the damage this boy's mother has done? You are right in more ways than one on this & it's very frustrating when you know the right things that need to be done, but no one is listening. Having a special needs child myself, resisting opportunities that you spoke about (like the aspberger's group for kids his age) is just doing more harm than good for that child. She sounds lazy & bordering on neglectful. I'm glad he has you in his corner. Just take some moments to decompress & for now, practice the art of biting your tongue. Heck, you're on here, you should be used the biting your tongue part! lol :p Hang in there mama- *hugs*

    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 6:02 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • Well your DH sounds like he is in his EX corner on this. It might not be fair. But you are just the Step mom. You have no real rights. You can get mad all you want. Time to back off. Let the parents, parent this child.
    Maybe you need to look to your DH about this. Tell him to do more. He shouldn't throw all this on you.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:38 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

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