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3 Bumps

Don't know what to say or do (LONG)

My husband has this obsessive relationship with our puppy (5 months)....we got her when she was about 8weeks and he is all over her, all the time. The first thing he does when he wakes up in the morning is goes to the puppy and pets her, tells her good morning, cuddles with her...takes her out to the yard so she can go potty.....all this even before addressing our kids. Yeah. I've mentioned it numerous times that he needs to spend more time with our kids, talk to them first, give them hugs and kisses, tell them good morning, help me help the kids get breakfast/get dressed...etc. This continues throughout the day. He's either feeding her, getting fresh water, taking her outside to go potty (he doesn't like anyone else out there cause it distracts her), cuddling with her, playing with her, bathing her (almost every day)...the list goes on. He's ok to pet her if she's laying down but if the kids go to her he starts getting upset.
It's not just the care of her, but if he comes home from work, he will take her outside and expect her to go pee and poop on demand, if she doesn't she has to stay out on the deck. If she pees on the deck or gets scared of him and pees or poops out of fear then he "slides her" off the deck which she ends up falling/rolling down the stairs, spanks her, expects her to stand up straight even though she is literally having the crap scared out of her. He's grabbed the scruff of her neck and shaken her. I've seen this all with my own eyes...and much more. I call him out on it, I tell him to leave her alone. If' he's upset with her he starts yelling at her like she's a person...long conversations on how she's a bad girl etc.
The worst part is that she goes to sleep downstairs in the kennel and lately I've heard her yelp down there when he's down there to go to sleep cause he works third shift.
My husband and I have had problems in our relationship, and semi patched them up until he started doing all this stuff to our dog. I feel like I have to be a dog watcher now because I don't trust him with her, but it makes me SICK TO MY STOMACH that he could treat her this way. That he could IGNORE our kids for a dog. My kids are starting to treat the dog meanly and I am at my wits end. I am physically sick even thinking about it. I confront him even when I hear a yelp and he plays it off, but I know in my hearts of hearts that she wouldn't be yelping unless he was doing something.

I am so conflicted. I don't know how to get through to him about his time with the dog, and I don't want to get rid of the dog because my kids would be devastated.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:03 PM on Jun. 12, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • I'm confused. He's nice to her in he morning, but abusive at night? Is he bipolar?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:11 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • My mom mentioned being bipolar!
    It's like a switch. He will literally scream at her for pooping or peeing on the floor because he's been abusive to her, and 5 min later cuddle her. I can't handle it. It makes me mad. He freaks out and the kids and I have to see it and then he's fine and cuddles her and wonders why the heck she is so scared of him. She literally will run and hide behind my feet when he enters the room.
    Bipolar or not, it's no excuse.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:14 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • Wow. Has your husband ever seen a counselor? I'd be concerned that the dog will eventually turn aggressive if your husband is hurting her, which wouldn't be safe for your kids or good for the dog. It may be in everyone's best interest to find the puppy a new home.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 10:17 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • That's animal abuse. I'd be very afraid. He needs a counselor NOW. If he refuses, then you need to think hard about whether you really want to continue trying to save this marriage.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:23 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • Tell him he needs some anger management. The kids should also be a part of the care taking of the dog. I can understand giving a little more attention to her while she is a puppy and still learning, but the abuse has to stop. It's not helpful.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:27 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • I have a feeling the dog isn't the only one he acts this way towards...
    Never lost his temper with you or the kids?
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 10:43 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • he loses his temper with the kids all the time.....he's very physical with the kids and I have gotten in his face for that too. I don't leave him with our kids hardly ever just because he ignores them, zones into you tube videos, THE DOG, or something else more entertaining for him. That all goes into our other marriage issues. But the recent obsession with the dog has really put a rift between him and I. I find it hard to believe, and I am disgusted that he is THAT type of a person.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:19 PM on Jun. 12, 2013

  • A person who abuses animals usually (unless help is found) turns to people.... if children are around usually its them. You need to seek help for him and make sure to have a real talk with your kids to make sure he is not abusing them. Don't let it get that far.

    takes_a_village

    Answer by takes_a_village at 12:30 AM on Jun. 13, 2013

  • Get rid of him, keep the dog. Aren't you afraid he is going to flip out and seriously injure your children?
    tntmom1027

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 12:31 AM on Jun. 13, 2013

  • honestly, that sounds like my ex husband, He's was and is emotionally abusive. Somebody that does something like that is not recognizing the fact they have a problem. He needs counseling right away. I wouldn't say you have to decide to leave him unless he's not willing to change. If he's in denial he could be a nacrassist. And, personally I would run as far as I could away from someone like that. They never change. If he was sorta of emotionally abusive towards you and then you worked it out, he's now started to do it to the dog. I watched my ex husband kick our cats and other things, it was a scary site and I can completly understand how you feel. You are completly in the right to be concerned.
    Sillylins

    Answer by Sillylins at 9:14 AM on Jun. 13, 2013

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