Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

I kicked my 19 year old son out. My heart is so broken into pieces. Any experiences??

Good day everyone,

My son is 19 but will be 20 on July 4th. Three weeks ago, i threw him out of the house because of his disobedient behavior.

He has not earned his high school diploma. he started out going to private school that i could barely afford as a single parent. i took on a part-time job just to be able to afford this and other luxuries for my children. His grades were so terrible that i refused to pay for it any longer. His father was in the picture but more like a big brother to him than a father. i have punished him, taken things from him and i have even taken him to counseling but there was nothing wrong with him. Switched to 2 different schools after that. One school kicked him out for stealing money from one of the teachers. long story short, he ultimately ended up not graduating and going to an alternative school and still did not pass.

He had a summer job but never went because he wanted to sleep all day. the other two he lost because he was stealing. The second one was a dept store at age 18 and the third one was at a toy store at age 19. All he wants to do is sleep all day and smoke pot and hang out all night. Finding a job was not exactly in his plans but i told him that he must work or go to school in order to continue in my home. He is so lazy that it makes me nuts!! i have to tell him 100 times to take out the trash, clean his room, clean the bathroom, wash the dishes ect. and then when he does it, he does a half job. Last year he went into my pocket book on three different occasions and took my debit card. i never found out until i looked at my account. in addition to that, i was always missing money but i thought that i was going crazy. Then my oldest son said that he was missing money, my daughter was missing money and also my husband. There's so much more that i'd like to share but you guys would be reading a book.

I admit that i was an enabler. With his behavior, i would just stay angry for a day or so and then turn right around and reward the behavior by still making life easy for him. i made it so that my children would never feel any parts of not wanting. because i didn't want them to grow up like i did. i see now that it hurts in the long run. however, my oldest son did not turn out like this, and my daughter is headed in the right direction.

Back to the middle child. I decided to put an end to the madness by stopping him from coming in the house at 2 and 3 in the morning, (or sometimes not coming in at all) cooking in the middle of the night, taking food in his room and keeping it for himself and making him be more responsible. On December 1st, 2012 I told him that he had until July 1st to get his act together or I'd start stripping him of everything. i thought that would put fire under him but it didn't. So, last month I took his keys, turned off his cable and turned off his cell phone. That did not work either so i started making him leave out with us in the morning to go and find a job. by the second day, it blew up into a nasty argument. He told me that i was not being patient enough and that he was on the computer looking for jobs. that may be, but it doesn't take 6 months to find a job. whenever i would go on the computer, i would find many jobs for him and apply to them for him and get him the interview. He asked, (well he screamed) "where am i suppose to go this early in the morning?" and then he said, "if you're making me leave this early, then you might as well, kick me out!!!! Then he started yelling other things and it ultimately ended in him being kicked out of the house.

He is now living in the Slum with his cousin and I just feel horrible. Prayer is giving me the strength. My husband and other family members are telling me that I'm doing the right thing but they have never been through this. Please! any advice will help.

thank you.

PS: i have put him out twice before but went and brought him back home. he was 16 at the time. I didn't do it this time.

 
Ivory1971

Asked by Ivory1971 at 11:16 AM on Jun. 13, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (9 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • This sounds soooo much like my brother. He thinks the world owes him just for living in it. He's now 30, and still living with my mom. He's been in jail several times and my mom has always bailed him out. They fight like crazy, but God forbid anyone besides her say a word against him. My sister and I only visit when we know he's out. My only advice is don't give in, or you'll have a 30 year old son in your basement, playing games in his tighty whiteys.
    ABeaverhausen

    Answer by ABeaverhausen at 11:23 AM on Jun. 13, 2013

  • Sometimes people grow when they are removed from an environment thats does not allow them to grow. Hopefully this will help and not hurt him.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 11:20 AM on Jun. 13, 2013

  • When he comes back looking for money try to convince him to join the Military. That would be really good for him. Is he doing drugs?
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 11:22 AM on Jun. 13, 2013

  • First off you gave in and gave him his keys to a car I'm assuming you bought for him? He also has a cell phone that you pay for? Those are the 2 things I wouldn't have given back under any circumstances. He would have also been forced to finish public school. You have to be on top of them every second.

    Although, now he's an adult, so he's on his own, so if you're still paying his cell phone, stop, and if the car is in your name, and you paid for it, go get it. He doesn't deserve anything if he hasn't earned it. Once he hits bottom, the only way to go is up. Tell him if he wants to earn his way back up he has to work for it. So that means taking the bus to work, or walking, and paying for everything on his own.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 11:33 AM on Jun. 13, 2013

  • Tough love is hard, but I think it is long overdue. He is an adult now and has to learn on his own.

    Stay strong and don't let him back. Doing without is not the worst thing in the world.
    anng.atlanta

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 12:23 PM on Jun. 13, 2013

  • It is too bad that he will have to learn this way but for some people it is the only way for them to wake up.

    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:49 PM on Jun. 13, 2013

  • Love hurts sometimes. But you are definitely doing the right thing. You wern't doing the kid any favors by letting him walk all over you and your famly. I hope he gets his poop in a group.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 4:12 PM on Jun. 13, 2013

  • You do no he is an adult right? 19 in the United states is an adult. You have babied him long enough. Call his dad and tell him it is his turn.
    He made his bed. Let him lay in it.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 1:13 PM on Jun. 13, 2013

  • Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I really, really needed to hear this. I was starting to feel mixed emotions. This has helped me out a lot.
    Ivory1971

    Comment by Ivory1971 (original poster) at 9:28 AM on Jun. 14, 2013

  • You did what you thought you had to do, I don't agree with tough love, but it works sometimes, I hope it does for you...
    older

    Answer by older at 9:37 AM on Jun. 14, 2013

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN