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4 Bumps

Tough love contract for adult daughter who always uses as her plan B..

My daughter is 43 yrs. old, a single Mom with one 17 yr. old son. She makes fairly good money as a car sales person but doesn't handle her money well. So therefore she is always "short" and borrowing a few buck or a lot of money like rent money, or whatever. She did give us a large amount that she owed us this year, but then turned around a month later broke again. I have one other married daughter who also helps her, but not as often. She lies to me and her sister about things to make us feel sorry for her and help her. We love her but feel used to the hilt, we want to have a serious talk and have some sort of contract as we feel this has gone on far to long now and we are so upset & used up. Anyone know of a contract thing like that? Any help would be appreciated..we have done counseling in the past, but the single daughter would not do an intervention, wouldn't hear of it..Thanks, Mom who wants to move away!

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AmmaDonna

Asked by AmmaDonna at 5:59 PM on Jun. 14, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • What kind of contract? If she has given her word that she would pay you back and then broken her word, then breaking a contract with you won't matter much to her either. You either keep enabling her or you don't. Right now it's your decision. If she is living bare bones then I can understand feeling like you need to help. If she has expenses that she could cut that would make the difference of paying bills or not, then she needs to do the hard work and be a little uncomfortable to make ends meet. It's what responsible adults do.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 6:03 PM on Jun. 14, 2013

  • an intervention for what... sucking at budgeting?? How about you just stop bailing her out... let her learn the hard way!!

    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 6:06 PM on Jun. 14, 2013

  • You can write a loan contract for the next time, and get it notarized. If she fails to fulfill the terms of the loan, then you take her to small claims court to impel her to fulfill the terms.

    Otherwise, you can only tell her "no."
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 6:08 PM on Jun. 14, 2013

  • I seriously thought this was a question about an adult woman and her teen using "Plan B" pill as in the morning after pill.. LOL.

    I agree with GDIAMANTE
    MomNbabyGirl009

    Answer by MomNbabyGirl009 at 6:14 PM on Jun. 14, 2013

  • Stop helping her out. She's 47 for goodness sake. Or just do what you WANT to and MOVE AWAY
    KristiS11384

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 6:17 PM on Jun. 14, 2013

  • Sit her down and just tell her. We are not going to lend you money anymore. For no reason. Start learning how to save. And pay your bill on time. No contract needed. What is the contract for anyways. I love the word NO when people ask me for things.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:25 PM on Jun. 14, 2013

  • She needs to learn to live within her means. I understand that things come up, like a sudden car repair, or medical bill, but if this is month to month that she cannot manage her money, you need to cut her off.
    I'd just tell her that you are not financially able to help her any more. Blame the economy, bad investments, whatever.
    Suggest she pick up another job, or learn to cut expenses.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 6:33 PM on Jun. 14, 2013

  • I don't think you need a contract. I think you just need to learn to tell her no. My parents have been a huge help to me, and I know that I can count on them to help me out when I need them, but I always try to make sure I've exhausted every other possible option or that the situation is so desperate that there's really no other choice. I don't live my life as though I can just expect my parents to fix it if I screw it up. It sounds like your daughter has come to expect that, and a contract won't help. Just sit her down and tell her honestly that you simply cannot or will not help her anymore, and she'll need to figure out her own solutions to her problems.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 6:52 PM on Jun. 14, 2013

  • I agree with telling her that you won't help her out anymore. My mom helps me out from time to time but she doesn't give me money. In fact my mom is so money hungry if I did borrow money off of her I would have to pay her interest on it, not joking, and she would keep something as collateral, like the title of my car. We had an agreement that I would give her $500.00 and then $200.00 a month to buy her van off of her. When she found out that I was getting $700.00 for my van and not $500.00 she insisted that I give her the $700.00 and not the 500 that we agreed on, that way I would get her paid off sooner. She gives me no slack at all when it comes to money. I live on a limited income but that does not matter. To her it's sink or swim. You're daughter will NEVER learn to budget her money if YOU are always there to bail her out. Just start saying NO!
    AnonNdrag

    Answer by AnonNdrag at 6:52 PM on Jun. 14, 2013

  • Oh FFS. She's 43 years old and still depending on you. Wonder why that is...? It's because you never taught her to stand on her own two feet.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 6:59 PM on Jun. 14, 2013

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