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3 Bumps

Friends asking stupid questions...

A scene from dumb and dumber comes to mind. When one of the men sees a girl with some skies and asks if they are hers, she says yes, he then asks, "Both of them?"
I have one of these dumb and dumber type friends. He always asks me questions that make me want to say "Here's your sign. " Most of the time I get to the point where I ignore him and he gets bored so he starts making up stupid little songs, last night it was, "I opened a can of peaches and put em in a bowl then gave them to the kids. Kids like peaches and so do I." He literally sang this. Sounds like he may be about 10 or younger? Nope, he's 53!
He questions me about everything, and I mean everything. Did I do this, did I do that. I give my daughter medication at night he asks if I'm sure I measured it right. He walks in when I am cooking, stands over and tells me step by step how to cook. There are times I want to look at him and be like, "Why are you here? Just go away!" Seriously, he comes over because he is bored and doesn't want to sit at home with his parents.
I'm too nice and I don't want to be mean to him but there are times when I tell him, "Look it's late, I have work in the morning, I don't want to sit up and entertain you all night, you have to go home."
Does anyone else have friends or acquaintances that are like this? If so, how do you handle them without insulting them? Maybe I am being a little snotty and not accepting enough I don't know, he just annoys me.

 
AnonNdrag

Asked by AnonNdrag at 8:28 AM on Jun. 17, 2013 in Relationships

Level 19 (7,783 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Maybe he is lonely and wants to be needed/be helpful. He may feel that by telling you how to do things step by step he is being useful and 'helping' you (even though it may be more 'help' than you need). Does he have other friends? Maybe encourage him to get out more and socialize, or encourage him to pick up a hobby or if he is into sports maybe encourage him to get involved with that sport (like join a local team for fun).
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 8:59 AM on Jun. 17, 2013

  • It sounds as though he is desperately making conversation. Doing and saying anything to keep silence away.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:31 AM on Jun. 17, 2013

  • So, he's 53 & lives with his parents? Or do his parents live with him?
    ABeaverhausen

    Answer by ABeaverhausen at 9:16 AM on Jun. 17, 2013

  • That would be Asperger's....
    Answer by butterflyblue19 11 minutes ago

    ^^^I was thinking he may have a disability of some kind too. Or he's just really lonely & trying to feel useful. Just try to show as much patience as you can & when it's time for him to go, gently tell him so. I like the suggestions MizLee offered as well.
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 9:38 AM on Jun. 17, 2013

  • Aww- it's too bad the testing & the services weren't so readily available back when he was in school. Or maybe his parents were in denial. Either way, it's sad he didn't get the help he obviously needed back then. If he had, he wouldn't be so resistant to it now. It's still not too late, b/c that man will have to prepare for when his parents aren't there to help him out. If they have an ability center or a board of Dev, Disabilities in your area, they could probably help him. I know, you can lead the horse....

    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 10:37 AM on Jun. 17, 2013

  • That would be Asperger's....
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 9:24 AM on Jun. 17, 2013

  • I have an inlaw's brother that does that but he's deaf. he certainly likes to stay really late tho 2,3 4 am when we were not party poopers back in the day but times have changed and I don't know how we brushed him off and he stopped coming over but I guess maybe you'll have to pretend you are not home or something? lock your doors maybe?
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 9:51 AM on Jun. 17, 2013

  • It sounds to me like, as much as you want to be there, you need to set some boundaries that will work for you. Maybe even talk to his parents. Tell them you'd like to have him over, but only at certain times, with a definite endpoint when he needs to go home.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:56 PM on Jun. 17, 2013

  • There really isn't a way to tell him to buzz off politely. All you can really do is limit your contact with him if he is really that annoying. Be firm, make it clear that just 'stopping by' isn't acceptable and that you would appreciate a phone call before he shows up. Maybe you can suggest other avenues for him to meet people and deflect some of the unwanted attentions he is giving to you.
    txgrlatheart1

    Answer by txgrlatheart1 at 1:04 PM on Jun. 17, 2013

  • Butterflyblue and mrsmom it's interesting that you say Asperger's because I have often wondered about that, or wondered if he was somewhere on the spectrum. He has never been diagnosed or even tested and when I have brought it up to him he gets defensive. I have suggested to him to apply for disability and he refuses. I even offered to help him with it but he says it's too much work.
    He does live with his parents, his father supports him because he can't hold down a job or manage his money well. After he had all his utilities turned off and was found living in the dark with no heat, no water and no food, his parents made him come back home. He does drive, has had jobs in the past but usually loses them when they want to train him to do something new, mostly like work a line or drive a tow motor. His philosophy is, I probably won't succeed so why bother trying.
    AnonNdrag

    Comment by AnonNdrag (original poster) at 10:24 AM on Jun. 17, 2013

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