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What to do? (the brief backround story)

I have been with the father of my child since May 1st of last year (note: we arent together anymore). I found out May 8th of this year that i was preggo. I was shocked and happy. Of course now since then he has shown absolutely NO interest or even bothered to go with me to any of my doc appointments, so i guess you can say i have been doing this alone. I have had support from college friends and my "sister"...recently i have started getting into a relationship and of course i had to tell him everything so he knows what he's getting into and he has no problem stepping up as a father which surprised me entirely. I know its gunna make me feel bad telling my unborn the truth about her father when she's/he old enough, but i don't want to tell her/him. Im happy being with the new guy and im stress it wrong for me to feel like this? I know the baby isnt even born yet (lol) but i have a habit of over-thinking things such as this


Asked by CollegeMommy89 at 6:13 PM on Jun. 18, 2013 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • If the father truly isn't interested, get him to sign away his parental rights after the baby is born. If he does that, you can't ask for child support from him. If the new guy sticks around awhile and really stays involved in parenting a child who isn't his, he can legally adopt the baby at some point. But realize that there's a big diference between theoretically being willing to be a daddy to someone else's baby, or even a man's own baby, and actually putting in the time, day in and day out, over the long haul. Don't jump into anything, at least not deeper than you already have. Good luck.

    Answer by Ballad at 6:32 PM on Jun. 18, 2013

  • I think a lot is going to happen in the next few years and I think that having the child will give you a different perspective on who is involved. I also think you need to come to terms that at some point down the road, even if the bio dad isn't invovled now that he may decide that he wants to get to know his offspring and he can force that through the courts. That's the reality of the situation. He may be happy ignoring his obligation, but he may just decide to push his parenting rights, and he has them regardless of how shitty you think he may be.
    As for the new guy, I wouldn't count on him playing father. Things may work out wonderfully, but they can also fall apart. Take one day at a time and understand if he changes his mind down the road. I wouldn't put any man's name on the BC as father if I was not married to them, and only if they knew the situation and that they weren't the bio dad.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 6:22 PM on Jun. 18, 2013

  • So you are punishing your child for what her father did to you. Wow you should like you will be a great mom.... You have a lot of growing up and stop being selfish. It's time to put your feelings aside and think of your child.

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 6:29 PM on Jun. 18, 2013

  • I think it's selfish of you to keep the real father of your baby away from her/him because it's what's best for you. This isn't about you, it's about this baby. Unless your ex is someone dangerous then I could understand. Maybe ex just panicked but you jumped into a new relationship so damn quick he didn't have a chance to talk to you about anything.

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 6:16 PM on Jun. 18, 2013

  • So you are pregnant by one guy and seeing another? I am sorry, but what guy gets with a female that is we regnant by a different man? And why would you do that? Get with someone else and you are pregnant? Nuts to me!

    Answer by louise2 at 6:19 PM on Jun. 18, 2013

  • @LostSoul: He cheated on me and i know its about the baby he didnt panick he already has kids so this isnt his first...he would just rather spend time how do u tell me that you care about me but you're calling another female "wifey" and you're playing the solo card around other people but when your around my family its the opposite

    Comment by CollegeMommy89 (original poster) at 6:24 PM on Jun. 18, 2013

  • Ballad: Many states will not let a father sign away his rights unless there is another man there to take up the obligation and I don't think they typically let a BF do so, is usually a husband(like my husband).

    I will say this, raising a child that isn't yours biologically can be difficult on even the best men and best relationships. I did not begin my relationship with my husband before my son was born it was after but it is still difficult at times of stress especially.

    Your ex has rights and will always have them unless his rights are terminated and signed away. He could very easily decided to come back later on and want visitation etc.

    No it is not wrong for you to feel happy but you have to remember this is a very new relationship that may or may not last as with all relationships.

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 6:41 PM on Jun. 18, 2013