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2 Bumps

I don't think I can do it anymore.

My husband has been out of work for a while and unemployment ran out. He has been looking daily putting in many applications a day(at minimum 10 per day). He is obviously trying.

Problem is he is so fucking whinny. He is an ass right now. I get that he is stressed to the max, I understand that my being ill doesn't help matters. But complaining non-stop doesn't make it better. I'm so tired of hearing how his life was better before, OMG.

I'm stressed to, and I'm also looking for work, even though I shouldn't be working. I just don't know what to do.

I don't know how to handle him anymore.....advice?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:56 AM on Jun. 20, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • For example he is at a merchanding/reset job tonight and he has called me three times to complain. I get it the work freaking sucks, but we need the money and it isn't like he is selling his body or something.


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:59 AM on Jun. 20, 2013

  • Don't answer the phone. He's not supposed t be making personal calls while he's at work anyway.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:25 AM on Jun. 20, 2013

  • He is not going to get anywhere with an attitude like that. I would let him know the time for whining is over.

    Answer by tessiedawg at 1:44 AM on Jun. 20, 2013

  • At least your DH is putting in applications. My DH comes home from work in a bad mood EVERY night, and then whines about how much he hates his job. I have told him to get another job. I have pointed out jobs he could apply for. But , no. Apparently he would rather be in a pissy mood, and bitch.


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:49 AM on Jun. 20, 2013

  • When my five-year-old starts to moan and complain, I have this little song I sing. Maybe you need to rehearse it for your husband.

    There's a five-dollar fine for whining.
    Oh, there's a five dollar fine for whining.
    Yeah, there's a five-dollar fine for whining
    And you owe me about a million.

    Answer by Ballad at 2:04 AM on Jun. 20, 2013

  • I think he would complain less if he got a different response from you. Have you ever heard the saying, "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten"? So, the next time he complains, put him off guard by being totally and completely nice and understanding. You don't even have to really listen to what he says. Just tune out as he vents. Keep asking him open-ended questions, such as "And how does that make you feel?" Would either of you consider going back to school or getting training to change your career field? It sounds like it's what is needed anyway since it's been so hard to find a job for the current career. It doesn't even have to be formal training. He could look around to apprentice with someone who's willing to teach him in exchange for unpaid work or lower pay work. Consider moving to a location where the jobs are at. Sacrifices must be made. Focus on being grateful.

    Answer by hellokittykat at 3:10 AM on Jun. 20, 2013

  • He would probably qualify for grants and other financial aid since he's jobless. Now, is actually the best time to go back to school because he'd get more grants without a job. He could go to an online school, get degree related to business management, take whatever federal student loans he can get, and then pay it all back quickly once he finds a better paying job. This is the route that many people take. You have to take a risk and make an investment to see any good returns. With an associate's degree, he could be making around $40-50,000 depending on your location. For only 2 years of school and permanent increase in job qualifications, it's a good investment. If you brushed up on your language and typing skills, you could find work as a freelancer to work from home, even though you are ill. You could also work as a virtual customer service agent for telecom companies

    Answer by hellokittykat at 3:19 AM on Jun. 20, 2013

  • Thank you hellokitty. While I think you are right about being more positive on my part(he is feeling like less of man for not being able to provide for us).

    He has a Master's degree and is older. He worked in the Film industry most of his life, and we met when he was traveling and he chose to stay with me in a not so film part of the country. While we can't afford to move to one of the hotspots for film we have moved to a better job market. I think the reason he is having trouble in the market is because he is older.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:43 AM on Jun. 20, 2013

  • Maybe you can't afford to live/move in a "hotspot" for film, but what about around it? When I worked outside the home, I used to commute to work - I live in a small town about 20-25 miles away from bigger cities. I commuted 45 minutes to an hour one way to go to work. Where I lived was quite a bit cheaper than the cities. Of course, this was back when gas was still a little bit cheaper, but might be something worth looking into. If you could be reasonably certain that the move would get him work, since he already has the skills and experience, it might work.

    Or maybe he could go, stay in a motel, get work, and you guys could save and you follow him a bit later?

    Other than that, he just has to realize that he needs to make a living and it really doesn't matter how - so long as it's legal. It also might help to tell him the kind of job he has doesn't affect whether he's more or less of a man.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:54 AM on Jun. 20, 2013

  • I'm of no help, my ex husband complained about being unemployed. Turns out, he wasn't really looking that hard to begin with. Try to be there for him and if he doesn't change his attitude try to help him if you can. How long has he been unemployed? It can get really difficult for men, because they feel like a falure

    Answer by Sillylins at 9:22 AM on Jun. 20, 2013

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