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I've had it with my husband

We have been having marital problems for a while now. We finally got into counseling. The problem we've been discussing is that if we have fight or something he will just go away or i'll go away and he will come back and act like nothing ever happened!!! He will just have casual conversation with me. NEver ever will voluntarily discuss or try and resolve the problem. It is pissing me off so bad I want to punch him.

I told the couselor to me the only two options in my head is he doesn't care about me or there is somethign mentally wrong with him. Of course i know it goes deeper than that but is this a man thing? How do you deal with this? Its really hurting me and i'm really tired of fighting for this marriage by myself. Any input would be appreciated.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:34 PM on Jun. 20, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (23)
  • What does your counselor say?

    Communication is key in any relationship. Your counselor should be working with both of you to free up the lines of communication so that you can have safe and constructive discussion instead of fighting and shutting down. Your therapist knows that the problems just don't magically disappear. They should be helping you determine what fights are actually about the subject of the fight and what fights are actually about the failure to communicate effectively. If you aren't getting that from your counselor, then it sounds like you need to find someone else that knows how to help you.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 1:38 PM on Jun. 20, 2013

  • The counselor will work with the both of you on how this really has to happen.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 1:40 PM on Jun. 20, 2013

  • no my counselor is excellent. But we've just begun this topic. she has made it very clear to him that ignoring the problem and just saying "its over with" (which is what he does) is disregarding how your partner is feeling and also not taking responsibility for what you've done. But we can't force him! He's so stubborn and such a selfish selfish person...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:42 PM on Jun. 20, 2013

  • My ex husband would do the same thing, I tried for 6 years thinking I could change him some how. Counseling didn't help, he would just twist it around and the counselor agreed with him that I needed to stop bothering him, but he didn't get the whole story so it got very frustrasting. He sounds like a guy that doesn't want to face any responsiblitity. These guys will never change, I would say if I was you if you can't accept it then you have to decide if your done with the marriage. I did.
    I wish you luck!
    Sillylins

    Answer by Sillylins at 1:44 PM on Jun. 20, 2013

  • Is it because he doesn't want to talk about it or is it because he doesn't want to say something he will possibly regret later? I am that way. When I get really mad about something I find it's best for me to walk off and decompress for a while before carefully choosing my words. I will eventually discuss what is bothering me, it's just finding the right words. I can try to take my words back, but people always remember how you made them feel.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 1:48 PM on Jun. 20, 2013

  • @sillylins-He does not take much responsibility for what he does!! The one thing I can say is I do see him putting effort in but not enough... I just don't know what to do!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:48 PM on Jun. 20, 2013

  • If you have only JUST started talking about this with the counselor then you need to give it some time. If he is cooperating and going to the sessions and taking her advice, then give him time to work through this. He isn't going to change overnight. If you give it some time and he refuses to work with you or the counselor or won't even consider trying to change his behavior, then you need to give it up and move on.
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 1:49 PM on Jun. 20, 2013

  • @QuinnMae-I understand what you are saying. When the couselor asked him why he says because its over with, why rehash it... He's so annoying.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:50 PM on Jun. 20, 2013

  • kmath- Yes I do think you are right. But what concerns me is that the very session we brought it up he got pissed (over a different issue) got mad walked out. and we talked a bit on the way home.. never finished, then just acting like everything was fine, when i brought it up about finishing talking he got pissed and hasn't said a word about it every since. After I just got done pouring my heart out in counseling ..
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:53 PM on Jun. 20, 2013

  • How do you tell him that it makes you upset or mad? Like what exactly do you say to him?
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 1:54 PM on Jun. 20, 2013

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