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Difficulty with23 year old step-step daughter.

My recent husband has 3 children, all grown and quite kind, and he has a stepchild from a previous marriage (not his). She is self indulged, preens her self all the time, talks about herselfk, is snotty to her boyfriend and my adolescent sons, and has shown disrespect to me numerous times. Do I have to be a part of her life, or can I just excuse myself when she comes to visit. She is 23 and is always bringing up her Mom, the X wife. These things are not obvious because she is sly and manipulative.
Recently, she was upset with my husband because I listed my house for sale with a friend realtor. Her mom and her have a real estate. She was hot about not listing it with her, and her Mom, and might not be able to show it. I thought their was no reason to create animosity, so I called the Mother (x) and said that it was ok to show, need house sold. Well, now, I don't think the X should enter my home. Wheres the boundary

Answer Question

Asked by newstepwife at 2:39 PM on Jun. 20, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Why does the step daughter still come around?

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:48 PM on Jun. 20, 2013

  • Ignore her. You don't have to live with her so simply tune her out and don't initiate conversation with her when she's around. Don't be mean either, that could start stuff with your husband. Someday someone will put her in her place or she will fall flat on her face and realize the hard way that she's a bitch.

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 2:49 PM on Jun. 20, 2013

  • I would run these questions & ideas past your current husb. See how he feels about the whole thing. If he's understanding & OK w/ you being absent during her visits, then fine. Otherwise, you may have to suck it up & make the best of it. Hopefully she doesn't visit more often than once a week. As to the listing- if that property is in just your name, you are not obligated in any way to list w/ her. But now that you have, just remove any personal items & give them the amt. of time to sell it. If they don't sell it, then your friend gets the listing. At least you can say you tried.


    Answer by mrsmom110 at 2:50 PM on Jun. 20, 2013

  • You don't have to be a part of her life if you don't want to. She is a part of your DH's life and thus you will probably have to deal with her at certain times.

    As for listing the house, you did the right thing. You should never do business with friends or family if you can avoid it. If they have a client that might be interested, it's their responsibility to show them what they want to see. I don't think they need your permission (besides making sure that the house is available for show). If they are stupid enough to keep their personal feelings in the way of earning a living, then that's really their own problem, not yours.


    Answer by QuinnMae at 2:59 PM on Jun. 20, 2013

  • The boundary is where you set it, because if you don't, someone else will. Decide what's okay with you and what will strain your relationships the least, and go with that.

    Answer by Ballad at 2:59 PM on Jun. 20, 2013

  • This is a discussion you should have with your husband. You do not want to exclude from your life something or someone that is important to him. However you do not have to engage in the game. Learn to change the subject. She starts talking only about herself, say oh that reminds me, Jeramy just did..........

    As far as your house is concerned, don't waffle back and forth. If you want it shown and want it sold, generally speaking you are asking ALL relators to show your home to prospective clients.

    You put yourself into a bad position when you start saying this one can show it and that one can not. They are competitive but they are also protective of their own.

    In the end, is this your house or your husband's and your house together. If it is together that is a decision for both, if it is only yours then it is your decision but of course you will want his n.

    Answer by Dardenella at 3:35 PM on Jun. 20, 2013

  • She does not need to be a part of your life. You can excuse yourself when she comes around. I would NOT let her or her mom, sell my home. List it with another realtor. Someone who is not family and preferably not a friend either. If she wants to get hot about it let her. It's none of her business.

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 9:38 PM on Jun. 22, 2013

  • We train people how to treat us. So far you have trained your husband, your sons, and this young woman that you can be treated like dirt. That you will not really fight back and that you will lie down and take it up the proverbial rear end. You are even allowing the birth mother and her to show your house! And this girl is not your husband's blood daughter, but a step! One obviously used to getting her way. Disengage from her. Go shopping when she drops by, take your kids to a movie, let your husband know that you will not be tolerating her disrespect and you intend to leave if it starts. Again, you have trained her. Untraining will take time. Good luck. And I hope your husband grows a set with this young lady, because he is going to need it.

    Answer by lilangilyn at 4:34 PM on Jul. 30, 2013

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