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My boyfriend/fiance treats his kids better than mine...

I am with an issue with my kids step dad ... sigh** I have been dating my finace now for 4 years I have three kids ages 5,7 &8 he has two ages 5 & 7 so the same age as mine. He used to give my kids hugs and everything now I cant even remember the last time he hugged them. He doesn't hit them or n e thing but he yells at them constantly for chewing too loud, laughing too loud, stopping their feet when they walk just stupid small things. He has got them to be good kids Im gunna admit they were a little outta hand when I met him they didnt listen too well and made messes they didn't have a dad for 4 years until he came along. He sees his girls every so often (his x wife doesn't like me so he cant see them as much as he want, yes childish) but he hugs his kids and calls them baby or love.. and kisses them asks them what they want for their bday xmas ect. but not mine he says mine are demon children and at times says he needs to leave the house to get away from them. I love him and I KNOW I KNOW this is not good for them he is also verbally abusive toward me as well and the kids see this. I don't have a job, he pays for everything he even bought me a car a nice one over $15,000 so if I leave him I wont have a house or car I know this sounds selfish but he also provides my kids clothes shoes food and shelter.. we would be homeless bc if I leave he wont pay for any of my bills.. also I am going to school full tme and graduate in dec I need to get this fixed we did counseling once but that's a bunch of bull some people are just the way they are. I feel so bad that kids get mad at the mom but of course they don't understand they just see the hurt and no kid deserves that... I really don't want my kids to be mad at me for this.. I tell my 8 year old one day we will be happy but it takes time. I am going to get away I have to I called off the wedding due to this but told him it was financial stability that I was concerned about. I really hope there was an easier way to fix this.. I feel so bad I am putting the kids thought this hurt. If I could just graduated already and get a job to get our own place we would be fine. :(

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k.lopez5

Asked by k.lopez5 at 8:30 PM on Jun. 21, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • I'm sorry, but if someone called my kids "demon children", I'd live on the damn streets before I let my kids continue to be subjected to that.

    You need to look into getting out of there. Is the car in your name? If so, I'd take it for now at least. Let him take you to court to get it back. At least you'd have temporary transportation. Find a cheap little apartment, or stay with relatives or a friend temporarily.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:35 PM on Jun. 21, 2013

  • Wow. That's a tough spot. I'm glad you put off the wedding, at least, because it's no good marrying someone who is verbally abusive to you. But if you don't intend to marry the man, it's really not fair of you to have him paying for things, either.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 8:39 PM on Jun. 21, 2013

  • Honestly, material things mean nothing when a child is abused. I'm sorry, but he sounds abusive to both you and your children. You need to find a way out and fast. It's not good for your children to be exposed to this, and you need to worry more about them than anyone else right now.

    There has to be a way to get someone to help out. Friends, relatives, a shelter. Anything is better than where you are right now. The longer you let it continue, the more difficult it will be to get out.
    anime_mom619

    Answer by anime_mom619 at 9:05 PM on Jun. 21, 2013

  • what were you doing before he came along?
    ^ whatever it was- do it again
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 9:05 PM on Jun. 21, 2013

  • You do realize there are assistance programs in place, right? For child care, housing, food, etc.? Find out about them and use them! If you're in school, use the college loans (I rarely advocate loans, but if the choice is between your kids being verbally abused and racking up some debt? Bring on the debt!).
    As far as him not seeing his kids. He can go to court and get a custody order and then if she doesn't follow it he can take her in for contempt. If he isn't willing to put in the work to get a custody/visitation order in place, then his kids can't be that important to him - and that would worry me!
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 9:08 PM on Jun. 21, 2013

  • Glad you said it so I didn't have to Paxi!!!
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 9:28 PM on Jun. 21, 2013

  • Start looking at resources in your area...shelters, programs for moms, kids or family's that can help you find housing , food banks, and even bus tokens/passes. Look into your school for programs like "warren Tech" that help with donated vehicles. There is help out there...I do understand you may be afraid of the "unknown", but take a chance for your kiddos :) Good luck.
    geminisummerz

    Answer by geminisummerz at 9:40 PM on Jun. 21, 2013

  • so he's been in the kids lives since they were 1, 3 & 4 and he still thinks their demon children?
    then he sucks as a parent.
    you're single and in school
    apply for financial aid and gov't asst.

    there is no reason you can't do this on your own

    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 9:56 PM on Jun. 21, 2013

  • This ABUSIVE behavior would only get worse if you marry him ! Get out now! You and your kids deserve better!

    You can get gov assistance to help you. Don't put up with this!
    ForestFairy09

    Answer by ForestFairy09 at 10:14 PM on Jun. 21, 2013

  • You don't have to put up with that. Your kids deserve better, and they're the ones who matter.

    Kick his sorry ass to the curb.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 10:15 PM on Jun. 21, 2013

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