Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Is this too much for a 4 yr old??

I have been trying to get my 4 yr old to pick up her room. I did most of it, there is just a few things of hers like a stuffed animals, and few sets of clothes. Told her if she did not get it done, she will not go swimming in the new pool. I have been trying to teach her that when she does "chores" she will get to do what she wants to do. I don't make her clean the whole bedroom or anything,. just trying to get her to listen and do what I ask, and pick up her stuff. But she is doing is telling me "NO". It will take her a max of 5 min, thats all. She also made a mess with her cereal when she was eating, and fruit loops all over the floor. I tell her if you mess it up, you clean it up. She hasn't even picked up the cereal yet!!! What can I do?? This is frustrating! I do not want to stay home all day!!! Like today for instance, there is a car show going on, and my dh is in it with his 64 Chevelle. I told we can go there, see daddy have some ice cream cones, and come back and she can play in the pool. Its a power struggle right now, and I do not know what do!!!! I am ripping out my hair!!!!
Please!! Any advice and/or suggestions will be great!

Answer Question

Asked by Michigan-Mom74 at 2:14 PM on Jun. 22, 2013 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 34 (66,351 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • You know what to do :) You made the rules and she has to follow them. I suspect that she thinks you'll give in because you don't want to miss the show, or the pool.

    I wouldn't say another word except "When you finish your jobs we will go. I'm going to read my book and you tell me when you're done"

    Then do just that. You have to set the tone at this point. It'll make life so much easier

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 2:17 PM on Jun. 22, 2013

  • she's FOUR not 12...

    I'd help her with it, NOT do it FOR her, but help and guide her

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 2:22 PM on Jun. 22, 2013

  • Stick to your guns.
    There will be other nice days.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:22 PM on Jun. 22, 2013

  • You are nicer then I am. At four I made my son clean his whole room. I would guide him but he had to do it.

    I agree with PG and Mrs. Prissy

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 2:24 PM on Jun. 22, 2013

  • Try breaking it down for her. Clean your room is daunting. Start with put all the clothes in the laundry basket. Then maybe all the books on the shelves. Try making a game of it. As for the cereal hand her a small broom and dust pan. You should only tell her once. Then block her from other activities until it's done. If she throws the broom simply pick it up and give it back to her. If she grabs a toy take it away and tell her when she has cleaned up she can play with the toy. You don't have to stay home all day. Go to the car show, but no ice cream and no playing in the pool until the work is done.

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 2:30 PM on Jun. 22, 2013

  • Make sure that the chores are done but, make it easier for her by giving her simple choices. Like, "do you want to clean up the cherrios now or do your room first?" Give her a choice but, let it be known that she will do one of those first.

    Answer by 3libras at 2:41 PM on Jun. 22, 2013

  • I agree with the others. You've made the threat of missing the show and the pool, you have to back it up. Don't engage in the argument. Just show her very specifically what she has to do--clothes in the hamper, stuffed animals on the bed, cereal off the floor. Praise her if she starts doing it, but ignore anything else. Don't argue about whether she has to, don't talk about how she doesn't want to, there are no options here except doing what you say. When she does it, give her a big hug and tell her it's time to have fun.

    Answer by Ballad at 2:43 PM on Jun. 22, 2013

  • "I'd help her with it, NOT do it FOR her, but help and guide her"
    I did do that. I showed what to do, she helped out. Then I left a few things of hers so she could pick it up on her own. Thats when the stubbornness took over. She wants me to do it, and when I say no she is a big girl, she throws the temper tantrum, and doesn't do it, hence the power struggle.

    Comment by Michigan-Mom74 (original poster) at 2:57 PM on Jun. 22, 2013

  • Don't ever threaten something you wont follow through on. If you want to go to the car show and she could care less you lose. Find the thing she liked the most. With mine it is Tv and treats. She will do anything to watch tv or eat treats. Try using the when then.

    Say it just like this then leave.

    WHEN you put your shirts away THEN we can go to the pool.

    Never cave in after saying the when then.

    Eventually she will know when you say that then she has to do it.

    Answer by staciandababy at 3:45 PM on Jun. 22, 2013

  • I don't think this means you're necessarily expecting to much, or that something is wrong with her either. I think you're both very likely doing a good job under the circumstances.
    What if you saw her stubbornness, and her temper tantrum, as the "emotional reality" of the moment? What if, instead of it EITHER suggesting that 1) something wrong/unreasonable is being asked (by you) or 2) something wrong (on her part) is happening, it simply expresses feelings about the situation?
    Basically, she is encountering a reality that she doesn't like: it feels overwhelming. OR it seems like drudgery (this is something Mom doesn't want to do; it's so unpleasant she's "making" me do it by myself.) OR it's just one last little thing on top of a little internal stockpile of times she felt disappointed, scared, powerless, unheard, disconnected, and that stuff has to get cleared out so she can access her reasonable mind & resilience. Whatever!

    Answer by girlwithC at 3:48 PM on Jun. 22, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.