Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

My son wants contact with his father

I have a 14 y.o. son, who wants to have contact with his father who is in prison. His father has been in prison for a little over 14 years so my son has never met him. He is in there because he murdered two women. I am afraid he will effect my already badly behaved son if he begins talking with him. Any advice?

Answer Question
 
juliaterirea

Asked by juliaterirea at 8:09 AM on Jun. 23, 2013 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • What does he want to talk to him about? Details of the murders and trial are freely available online, so if you're hoping to avoid him finding out about those, that ship's already sailed. I believe that prisons checking incoming and outgoing mail, and black out things they feel the prisoner shouldn't read or shouldn't have said. And visitation isn't exactly private there.

    It's no unusual for a kid who doesn't know his father to want to meet/talk to him (although mine's gone the other way and wants nothing to do with him). Preventing that might actually do more harm than good. Heck, visiting his father in prison might actually straighten him up - getting a taste of what it's like in there might make him get his act together.

    Maybe your son should talk to a therapist. It could help him figure out why he wants contact with his father, whether it's really necessary and give him someone to put it...
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:15 AM on Jun. 23, 2013

  • in perspective if he does visit or write to his father. A neutral, "normal" person to help your son see that when his father said X, it's not a good thing because _______. He might not accept it as easily from you, because you could be biased (even if you're not). But the therapist has no reason to try to convince him his father's a bad person, so if the therapist is guiding him to that conclusion, he'll be more likely to consider it.

    But I don't think I'd just say no. That could lead to the already bad behavior only getting worse.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:18 AM on Jun. 23, 2013

  • No. Nothing good can come from that
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 8:29 AM on Jun. 23, 2013

  •  If it was me. Under those circumstances. I would have to tell my son no tell he is 18 and can contact him himself.  I would tell him why I feel that way.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:56 AM on Jun. 23, 2013

  • I would get him into counseling and see what they say bc this is an unusual situation and should be handled very cautiously!!!! Good luck to you and your son
    rachel216

    Answer by rachel216 at 9:36 AM on Jun. 23, 2013

  • I would go with him but not alone, he has a right to meet his dad, even though he is be a looser and dangerous....
    older

    Answer by older at 10:30 AM on Jun. 23, 2013

  • After seeing the behavioral issues you are having with this son, (in your other post) he needs a "Scared Straight" or other Boot Camp type of program to get him back on the right path. Otherwise, he'll get to meet his daddy- by being his cellmate.

    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 10:54 AM on Jun. 23, 2013

  • I think meeting his father might actually be good for him. Maybe give him some perspective on all the stupid crap he is doing in his life right now. I would definitely get your son a therapist.
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 10:58 AM on Jun. 23, 2013

  • I agree with kmath.

    You can try contacting the prison and finding out how he's doing first, to see if you really want to have your son around him.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:10 AM on Jun. 23, 2013

  • Do you have any idea why he wants to meet him after all these years?
    I think I would consult a therapist who deal with young people and or families in prison. It maybe therapeutic for your son to meet him. It may be a disaster. I have know way of knowing since I don't know the people involved.

    I am curious why someone would tell their child their dad is in prison if they knew the likelihood of him ever being released was slim at best.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:33 PM on Jun. 23, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.