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Anxiety 3 kids and babysitting my 4 year old nephew that crys the whole time unless he is held

I don't know how to tell my sister without hurting her or her getting mad. My sister takes things hard then we get in a fight. Before she had the baby she didn't know if she wanted to put him in daycare so I mentioned to her that I could probably do it (which would been rare since she normally works at 4 and by that time her boyfriends mom is home to do it. I also thought she would pay me although I did ask her if she was going too). She then a few weeks ago asked if I can babysit from 11-3 that day since she had to go in early I said I would. Now she doesnt ask she just tells me what days she needs me and usually it is 1030-3 then on friday if I have him it is suppose to be 3, but his grandma doesnt pick him up until 4 or 5 and doesnt even call me to tell me she is going to be late.
Now I have 3 kids of my own 8,5 and 2. My 2 year old was doing REALLY WELL on potty training, but since I started babysitting him she has completely stopped. Well she will be 2 should I say in a month and couple days. I dont have anywhere to put the baby other than his carseat and i cant leave him because my dd will to kiss him, hug him and pick him up if I leave him at her reach. She is all over him. He screams unless he is being held. I actually found out a few months ago after months of having breathing problems that it is anxiety so dr said to limit my stress get alone time once in a while things like that. I actually been doing really well havent had one in a few months since he upped my meds, but the neighbor and i got into it for her yelling at my kids for something i know for a fact they didnt do which she told me to keep my kids on leashes....anyway, that was my first anxiety a few days ago then had another one yesterday again from the neighbor then today i am having one for no reason havent had that since my meds was upped. My sister needs me anywhere from 1-3 days a week. Well she found out that she cant get daycare help for the baby and as of last thursday for her other son either he will be 5 in a few weeks (he still poops his pants) so now I think she wants me to watch him to and he is sooooo bad. Then when him and my 5 year old get together she is sooo bad because he is. He has no discipline at home. I don't know what to do in this situation. I did offer to sit for the baby but that was cause i thought she would pay me what she would pay daycare for assistance. But she told me she dont have the money to pay me. I know she is family but that isnt the thing really its more my anxiety and him screaming and then my youngest dd not going on the potty since watching him. He doesnt nap at all over here and if he does it is when i hold him to feed him or rock him and as soon as i put him down he screams to be held again

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:18 PM on Jun. 24, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • sorry so long

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:19 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

  • opps 4 month old nephew sorry

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:20 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

  • Holy block o' text. That was hard to read.

    I would say your sanity comes first. If you can't do it, you can't do it. How old is the baby? Could you "wear" him as you get things done? That's what I did with my DD.

    Answer by ABeaverhausen at 12:24 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

  • I would just say NO. Be gentle but firm. You love her and want to help her, but you just can't. Your sanity come first.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 12:25 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

  • I'd just be honest. You thought she would pay you, she can't/won't, and you can't do this for free. Plus you're finding that your health is suffering, and that your youngest seems to be regressing and you need to focus on your own family. I'd tell her she has 2 weeks (assuming you can keep it together that long) to find another person/place to care for her kids.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 12:26 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

  • Simple. You have your life & your Sister has hers. You are not required to care for the children she decided to have. So call her over & talk to her. tell her you can no longer watch her children & that you cannot handle it. You tried but it's just too much. That's it. Let her figure it out. She has a MIL who can help her. Maybe she can assist her with the $ for Professional Daycare. I think it is so weird how people cannot just say NO! She needs to have a permanent plan for their care. She is the Mother not you!

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 12:29 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

  • Tell her you physically cannot do it, that your doctor told you that you are not allowed to. She will have to figure something else out.

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 12:43 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

  • I'm not going to bother reading that wall of text.

    From the other answers I'm getting that this kid is complicating your day with his neediness and you aren't even being compensated as well as you feel that you are neglecting your children. My suggestion is to simply stop with the favor of childcare to your sister. She will have to find other accommodations for her child.


    Answer by QuinnMae at 12:45 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

    If you wanted 5 kids, you would have had 5 kids. This is NOT your problem. She's the one who needs to find care for HER children.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:50 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

  • Your sister is imposing on you. Don't let her. Tell her that her kids an yours are too much for you and that you thought you were going to be paid. If she gets mad, it's on her and not you.

    Answer by Ballad at 2:22 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

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