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4 Bumps

Why do they love him so much?

I don't know what to call him really, sperm donor I guess, that seems popular. My kids bio father though he doesn't deserve that title, is like a hero to my kids and for the life of me I can't understand why. He sees them for about an hour maybe once a week if that. He doesn't have visitation, didn't want it when we split. He just said "If I feel like seeing the kids, I'll call and let you know I'm coming to pick them up." They hardly ever see him but when they do it's like the 4th of July. I know they are young but still can't they see that he isn't involved as much as he should be? My partner and I are the 'real' parents here. We pay all the bills, buy the food, get the kids their school clothes, toys, plan b-day parties, take them to appointments, take them swimming and to the park and to picnics. I paid for summer camp, I drove my daughter to it everyday for 2 weeks. The bio dad comes by on Saturday, takes them to McDonalds then brings them back and drops them off.
That's the extent of his involvement. He doesn't even pay child support. Yet the kids sit around and cry that they want Daddy, after I have spent the entire day with them planning fun things, playing, going to the store, cleaning the house, fixing dinner and the first thing out of their mouths is "Daddy coming?"
I feel like I am nothing to them, sometimes I wonder if they even like me. Why is it that I spend all day with them trying to make them happy and at the end of the day they want Daddy? I mean I have offered to let him have them on weekends and he doesn't want them. He doesn't want them for holidays because it's too hard to drag them around to his family's houses. He doesn't want to take them to his parents house because they get into everything. I just don't understand it. What does he do that makes him mr wonderful and me...basically nothing. I'm just so bummed out I could cry. Thanks for listening to my vent.

 
AnonNdrag

Asked by AnonNdrag at 1:37 PM on Jun. 24, 2013 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 19 (7,783 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • As a kid I went through this too. I didn't realize what a loser douchebag my bio father was. It wasn't until I was a teen that I realized it. It must have been really hard for my mom and dad, but my mom never said anything bad about my bio father. When I met him as a teen I figured it out.

    Big Hugs Momma! They do love you and appreciate you and they will come to see it soon enough.
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 1:44 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

  • i am in the same boat
    except in court a few months back, the ex was offered one day a month for 2 hours supervised
    he told my lawyer, he did not know if he could see her that often

    weird, as he kept asking court for more time. for two plus years and 20 grand later...he does not know if he can drive hour and 20 minutes once a month to see his child

    daughter would do ANYTHING for him, and everytime she makes a wish (eyelash, fairy, birthday candles etc) she wished that her dad would visit more often

    kids will say, do and wish anything for the approval of a deadbeat parent

    hugs- i feel your pain
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:00 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

  • "Disneyland Dad"

    No rules, no punishments, just one big party. Then you're the asshole for trying to raise them the right way.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:31 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

  • That's just it. Daddy has fun. Daddy wears the white hat. Daddy doesn't hold the kids accountable for anything. Right now, they'll prefer him, but in the long run, as they grow up, when it really matters, those kids are going to see who has really been there for them. You'll have to find validation within yourself right now for the job you're doing because young kids won't see it yet, but eventually they will.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 1:45 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

  • Mom, kids don't realize anything now, all they see is the dad that comes and takes them out once in a while as treat, he does not discipline, or scold them or make them eat their peas..........don't get depressed in the end they will know that you are the one to praise...give them time.....
    older

    Answer by older at 1:55 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

  • The bio dad comes by on Saturday, takes them to McDonalds then brings them back and drops them off.
    *******
    my guess is that he is not making them follow rules, do any chores and not disciplining them. Therefore- he is awesome in their eyes. I would also guess that as they get older, they will start to see him for what/ how he is
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 2:37 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

  • It's human nature to want what you can't have. They don't have dad, sure he stops by when it's convenient for him, but he's not there when it's important. One day they will realize exactly who WAS there when it was important....and it won't be him.
    slw123

    Answer by slw123 at 2:42 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

  • He's like the fun uncle that lets them do whatever they want with no consequences. Think of it that way - whoever the fun uncle (aunt, cousin, whatever) is in their life, it doesn't bother you when they're excited to see them, and that's all he is to them - a distant relative who pops in to play once in a while.
    NotPanicking

    Answer by NotPanicking at 6:36 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

  • Thanks Ladies, I'm just glad that it's not something I personally did wrong. I see Ballads point, they go with bio dad and have a good time. Here we have fun but I make them do chores and set rules and boundaries. So for two young kids I can see where being with me is a drag...pun totally intended lol
    AnonNdrag

    Comment by AnonNdrag (original poster) at 1:49 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

  • Because children are born to love their parents passionately & unconditionally.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 4:29 PM on Jun. 24, 2013