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What are other ways to help my daughter coupe with her emotions? adult content

Plz don't judge or be negative. We found out in October that my daughters we molested by someone in their bio fathers family. my middle daughter is haveing alot of anger probelms and is very mature for her age. she is 4 and told my father she was going to stab him. she beats on her sisters and me and my spouse. we have done everything we could think of and the therapist has gave us suggestions and nothign is working. any help please and again no negativity.

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mommyof313

Asked by mommyof313 at 7:28 PM on Jun. 24, 2013 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • What about something positive to get out her emotions in a physical way, like dancing, gymnastics, or martial arts? My cousin's little girl had big anger issues at that age, and dance did wonders for her.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 7:33 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

  • How long ago did this happen? How long has she been seeing the therapist? How long have you tried the suggestions? For things like this, it will take time. Continue with therapy and the suggestions that they offer.

    JeremysMom

    Answer by JeremysMom at 7:34 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

  • we found out in october 2012 and have been doing therapy and other options since. i do understand it takes time but it only gets worse and worse. we have tried some positive things and i actually was considering gymnastics or dance but im so scared she will hurt another child like she trys to hurt her sisters.
    mommyof313

    Comment by mommyof313 (original poster) at 7:39 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

  • i have tried whoopings time out taking stuff rewards and she even got a punching bag from the therapist and it help my other children just not her. I am to the point i can't get her to listen at all and when i say something to her she flips out and goes basically physco.
    mommyof313

    Comment by mommyof313 (original poster) at 7:41 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

  • Maybe you need a new therapist. If the suggestions they are giving are not working, time for plan B. So sorry your child is going thru something no child should ever have to go thru. At least you are getting her help. GL

    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:52 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

  • thanks... we had a therapist when we first started and then we had to switch to a new one because she was no longer going to be a therapist. my kids loved her and they like the new one but not like the first lady. we are looking at our options of new therapists but no decisions yet.
    mommyof313

    Comment by mommyof313 (original poster) at 7:55 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

  • Yeah I'd try a new therapist, maybe she just cannot connect with this one? Just keep trying momma! Positive positive positive! :) Sorry to hear, too. Can't imagine. Hope things get better for her.
    jeffsgirl9

    Answer by jeffsgirl9 at 8:56 PM on Jun. 24, 2013

  • :i have tried whoopings time out taking stuff rewards and she even got a punching bag from the therapist and it help my other children just not her":OP
    I was also a victim of molestation by my father right around the same age, and I know I am not a doctor, but as for the spanking and the punching bag, don't let her use 'violence' to work out anger, sadness, and the lack of self control. It may lead to her using the same techniques later in life.
    She probably has trust issues, and feeling responsible for what happened. I know I did, but I still have trust issues, but no longer feeling it was my fault. But the spanking of your daughter is telling her she is right to not trust anyone, and you stand the chance of her completely shutting down on you, and holding her emotions inside. That could very well the reason she is angry, and hurting others. She feels like she can't trust you, and feels like nothing makes sense.
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 3:36 AM on Jun. 25, 2013

  • Or another reason for her anger, could be the fact she blames you because you were supposed to protect her, and failed to do . But,
    you need to encourage her every day. Compliment her and show them you love and care for her. Your daughter can heal from these heinous wounds. It won't happen overnight but in time it can happen. The wounds will not disappear in time, but it will not be as painful as this is now.
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 4:22 AM on Jun. 25, 2013

  • It sounds like you are using behavioral techniques (spankings, time outs, removing toys/privileges, rewards) to try to "deal with" problematic behavior. I think this is the problem.
    If those were the suggestions from either therapist, then I don't think they promise to be helpful resources for you.
    Those things are all about a behavioral focus: using negative OR positive consequences to control a child, leveraging her to change her behavior.
    The problem is, her behavior is emotionally-driven.
    You're dealing with a traumatized child whose anger & rage make sense! Responding optimally isn't about punishing (or rewarding) her "out" of the problem behaviors. It's about understanding that she can't think/reason when she is literally in survival mode (fight-flight reactions) and seeing the behavior for what it is, rather than as "bad behavior."
    But you need support as well as different strategies!
    I'll get some links for you & post.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 5:31 AM on Jun. 25, 2013

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