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Best way to handle "woe is me" friend

my guy friend's life is pretty screwed up. his mom is a druggie. his wife literally disappeared. he lost custody of his 2 kids. they hardly want to talk to him. he lives in a crap hole. he's had an addiction issue. he's just miserable. do i tell it to him straight or just let him whine?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:47 AM on Jun. 26, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • "If nothing changes, nothing changes."
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:48 AM on Jun. 26, 2013

  • Depends on how long you want to listen to the whining. He probably won't stop unless you tell him to and enforce it or give up and walk away.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 2:56 AM on Jun. 26, 2013

  • Send him to Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous, depending on what the issue is.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:23 AM on Jun. 26, 2013

  • i would gently break it to him honestly and then stand by him if he gets help but let him know that if he will not do anything to help himself you do not want to listen to him complain about the things he can change.
    MooNFaeRie30

    Answer by MooNFaeRie30 at 5:58 AM on Jun. 26, 2013

  • Allowing someone to bitch and whine, while they are not doing anything to change their circumstances is called NOT being a good friend, I would ask him to let you help him get some help, this will be a ongoing thing unless he seeks treatment.
    2kids2dogs2cats

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 7:48 AM on Jun. 26, 2013

  • It depends. Is he complaining to try to brainstorm ideas on how to fix things? Is he complaining just to vent so he can work on his issues? Or is he whining just to whine and making no effort to change things?

    If it's one of the first two, then I'd say let him whine and work with him to help him find solutions. But if it's the third one, I'd just be honest - I'd try to be gentle, but I'd be clear that his life is like this because he's done the things he's done and is making no effort to change them and because of that, I really don't want to hear it anymore.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:48 AM on Jun. 26, 2013

  • I have/had a friend like this, she is a total drama queen. Always wanting to start some kind of crap. She whines around about how bad her life is all the time then got mad at me when I told her that I didn't want to hear it anymore. Recently she got fed a load of bull about me on FB by a 1 yr old relative of mine, regarding a personal issue, she didn't even get the whole story, never came to me and asked me about it, and today I get a long detailed explanation about how disappointing in me she is and that she can no longer be my friend because things in my life are just too hard for her to deal with and she is sick of my crying and wanting sympathy all the time. (All this she got from the 15 yr old). So she deleted me from FB and no longer wants me in her life. I laughed my ass off and wrote back, have a nice day. Blessing in disguise. She is wanting to pull me into a FB war and I ain't biting. Better to just walk away
    AnonNdrag

    Answer by AnonNdrag at 9:11 AM on Jun. 26, 2013

  • Let him whine AND tell it to him straight whenever you get a word in. You don't have to be harsh, but the truth will be healthier for him. Letting wallow a bit is ok, but not without gentle doses of reality. If nothing changes you might need to up the truth dosage. :)
    tessiedawg

    Answer by tessiedawg at 9:37 AM on Jun. 26, 2013

  • Is he trying to improve his situation or is he doing nothing and wallowing in his misery with a 'poor me, feel sorry for me' attitude? If he is trying to improve, I'd offer encouragement and praise him for the positive changes he is making. If he is a 'wallower' and is not doing anything then it might be time to tell it to him straight out that NOTHING will change or improve if he keeps wallowing in the situation. Tell him that HE needs to be the one to step up and make changes to his life, that others are not going to do it for him.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 9:52 AM on Jun. 26, 2013

  • Sounds like he could use a good friend. It depends on with woe is me friend is trying to change his attitude. NObody can truly help him if he doesn't help himself. Be there for him and try to help if you can, but ulitmately it will have to be his decision to get moving and enjoy life again. Good luck!
    Sillylins

    Answer by Sillylins at 5:39 PM on Jun. 26, 2013

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