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What is the best way to get a visitation order modified, and does the non custodial parent have to be present?

So I need all the advice I can get about visitation modification. Do I need a lawyer, and does birth dad have to be there, and or any other good advice that might help me. I have been having a lot of problems with birth dad and visitation. He has reasonable visitation, no specifics are listed in the divorce papers. He picks up our son whenever he feels the need, and feels he can drop him off whenever. The visitations barely ever take place, they currently haven't seen or talked to one another in 6 months. He lives in the same state, 45 mins away but has no car, which is understandable why he is not taking visitation. When he does take visitation, its for one day, several hrs and then returned back. I try to be as civil as possible, but I always open my mouth when what he is doing with our son is not correct and there is no reasoning with him..(child needing to be in booster seat, he sends child home after hrs in the day with no food etc). Now its getting to the point where he is starting to get physical with me and pushing me around and i think its unnecessary. I know you can't force visitation, but can I take it to court to get a visitation modification, so that we have no issues, whats on paper has to be followed, and if he chooses not too, its his loss, and does he have to be there for a modification, considering I have sole custody? He threatens me all the time for years that he is going to take me to court in the future to take custody away from me, so that I can pay him child support and then I believe his plans are to leave the country. I don't think that is gonna happen, I have been sole provider for 6 yrs, my relationship is very strong with my son, I take care of all his health needs, he has everything all around. Birth dad doesn't have a place of his own, he lives off his family, his wife lives out of the country, he can't keep a job and some many other little incidents as far as poor parenting has happened and I would bring up in court. All advice is needed. Thanks so much!

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Asked by ChitownMom84 at 12:50 PM on Jun. 26, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 3 (5 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • See a lawyer.

    Answer by m-avi at 12:54 PM on Jun. 26, 2013

  • why havent you reported the assaults?

    Answer by feralxat at 12:57 PM on Jun. 26, 2013

  • Best to ask a lawyer about this issue.

    Answer by louise2 at 12:59 PM on Jun. 26, 2013

  • yeah you will need legal counsel. I would start off by calling a few and getting some free consults set up. Write down all questions that you may have. I have looked into the same thing as well and right now I don't have the money to have it done. My son hasn't seen his loser dad in over a yr and has no desire to even see him again. I would actually like to have my son's name changed, but I know his dad would contest it .

    You ex sounds like mine.. not keeping a job just so he doesn't have to pay anything. I am getting to the point of not liking men.. well most anyway!!

    Answer by goofygalno1 at 12:59 PM on Jun. 26, 2013

  • call the police next time he lays his hands on you! Don't allow him to take your child if refuses to feed and protect him/her.

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 1:00 PM on Jun. 26, 2013

  • I know that you can both go to a mediator and then have the revision filed, but it does not sound like he would be willing to set up specific times.
    You next choice is to file for modification in court. Generally speaking a lawyer files this for you but if you contact the court they can tell you if an individual can do it themselves and they will usually tell you exactly how to do it if that is an option. It is my understanding that the other party has to be notified if it is a custody case and then they choose to show up or they do not. Usually the two lawyers will come to an agreement (with their clients) and then just put the motion in front to the judge, basically as complete except for his ruling.
    If they allow you to do it yourself, you will probably need to appear before the judge. The other party has to have the opportunity to state their side as well.

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:02 PM on Jun. 26, 2013

  • You have to go to court. So you will need a lawyer.

    Answer by JanetMonroe1991 at 2:26 PM on Jul. 3, 2013

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