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When and how should we announce our adoption match?

My husband and I have an almost 3 year old bio daughter through fertility treatments. After an awful pregnancy we knew adoption was how we would grow our family.  We were not shy about IUI treatments and we announced our pregnancy in person right away (4 weeks and 6 weeks)

Our families have been updated EVERY LITTLE and BIG step of the way (starting with agency interviews) and we have been REALLY open with our friends and coworkers too.  We feel sharing the little things and the "almosts" helps everyone understand what is going on in or worlds and they can be very specific in thier prayers.   

About a week ago we were matched with a baby due this fall and we of course shared right away with our parents, siblings, close friends (the ones who were our references) and some of my husbands co-workers (so plans can be made for last minute travel and time off)

We know that the bio mom can change her mind at any point between now and 48 hours after baby is born and everyone we have told knows this.  My cousins had an awful experience with their first adoption (had baby for 6 weeks and bio mom changed her mind, they got the baby back, bio mom changed her mind again, and finally my cousins adopted this baby).  Everyone was supportive and was thankful to know what was going on every step of the way.

With that we feel we need to guard our hearts, but want to be excited and have support from all our family and friends.  And we know people want to know.

I have two questions:

1. At what point do we share our match with everyone else? (We will share before TPR and baby is born....but when...now? A month prior?)

2. What are some creative ways to tell people we are matched and "expecting" in the fall?

Thank you for you help!

Answer Question
 
momasof2010

Asked by momasof2010 at 3:41 PM on Jun. 27, 2013 in Adoption

Level 3 (22 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Being matched doesn't guarantee a baby. I would wait until it is almost time and then I would still be cautious. The mother at any point before the birth and in some states for a while after can change her mind. I hope this doesn't happen to you but if it does it would be easier to not have to explain to to every single person you have ever met.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:43 PM on Jun. 27, 2013

  • I'm the kind of person who would want my friends and family to support me if it turned out to be a disappointment, so I'd talk about it right away. I wouldn't be sending out cards or having a party or anything, but I'd be talking about it...
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 4:03 PM on Jun. 27, 2013

  • I would wait until about a month out and then share with who you feel comfortable sharing with. There is always that chance of 'bad news' later but their is that chance with pregnancy as well...
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 5:01 PM on Jun. 27, 2013

  • It is always up to you. My friends and coworkers were aware of the ups and downs of our process. Several coworkers were adopting at the same time. After one match and birth the mother did change her mind. We had tons of support from our entire community. Shortly after another match and that child is with us. Sure we could have been very quiet but we chose to have a very open supportive community to be there for good or bad. My only suggestion is no baby gifts that are specific to that child until after the TPR.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:21 PM on Jun. 27, 2013

  • I don't have experience with adoption, but I've had four miscarriages, two of them late ones. I've grown wary of telling anyone baby news too soon because for me, it's too hard to un-tell them all later. I'd just keep the news to a few people you know will be loving and supportive, and let the rest know when the baby is actually in your arms.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 7:08 PM on Jun. 27, 2013

  • Thank you all for you input. I think we will share sooner than later so we can have the continuous support of our family and friends. After all, it would be odd to all of a sudden stop updating everyone. I like the suggestion on "no gifts" too. Thank you all
    momasof2010

    Comment by momasof2010 (original poster) at 9:32 PM on Jun. 27, 2013

  • Now
    escuchar

    Answer by escuchar at 12:46 PM on Apr. 14, 2014

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