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How should we tell our daughter we are adopting another baby?

My husband and I have an almost 3 year old daughter (via fertility treatments) She is very intuitive, bright and picks up on things quickly. She is also extremely sensitive and loving.

We started the adoption process about a year and a half ago and have been matched with a birth mom who is due in the fall.

We have been very open with our friends and family because we want their support, understanding, advice, and for them to just understand what has been going on with us.

My question is when and how do we "tell", "explain" and "prep" our daughter for our adoption?

We obviously don't want to get the call saying "birth mom is in labor...you have to get to the hospital...now" then leave our daughter with grandma and grandpa for a week (birth mom is out of state) and return with a baby without our daughter knowing.

BUT, we also don't want to get her excited then the adoption falls through.

Thankfully, because of the laws where we would be adopting, the baby would only come home with us IF TPR has already taken place. So our daughter would not meet baby then baby be taken away.

Advice on when to tell our daughter and SPECIFIC TIPS on HOW to tell, prep, and explain to her would very appreciated!

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momasof2010

Asked by momasof2010 at 4:41 PM on Jun. 27, 2013 in Adoption

Level 3 (22 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • When you bring the child home to be with you would be the best time, at 3 they can't understand if it doesn't happen.
    I would tell her when the Mom signs the paper at delivery, the baby will most likely be in the hospital for 24 hours anyway, so you suprise her with a baby brother or sister, anything else could lead to her being sad or confused about it, if it doesn't happen.
    Congrats.
    2kids2dogs2cats

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 4:43 PM on Jun. 27, 2013

  • Tell her she's going to be a big sister, include her in getting ready for the baby like buying the clothes or setting up the baby's room
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 4:46 PM on Jun. 27, 2013

  • I would tell her that she is going to be a big sister. That you are looking for a special baby to bring home into the family but you are not really sure when it will happen. It might be a surprise! Even if this one does fall through I imagine you will still hope to adopt... Just prepare her for being abig sister one day but leave the details of 'when' left to 'I'm not sure- it may just be a surprise when we find the right baby.'
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 4:47 PM on Jun. 27, 2013

  • Honey, we've just had a meeting and found out that we might be adopting a little baby to come and be part of our family forever. Do you have any questions?
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 4:52 PM on Jun. 27, 2013

  • Congratulations Linda! We have know for about a week that we have been chosen by a birth mom due this fall! It is very exciting, but terrifying. I think our excitement/scared levels go hand in hand. The more excited we get, the more scared we get (that she changes her mind or something).
    momasof2010

    Comment by momasof2010 (original poster) at 4:58 PM on Jun. 27, 2013

  • I think I would tell her that you are looking for a special baby to add to your family, and that she'll be a big sister soon. But don'tmention the specific baby you are trying for. That way, if it falls through, you're still looking as far as your daughter knows. Maybe tell her that when you find the special baby that's right for your family, she'll go stay with Grandma and Grandpa while you pick up the baby. That way, the trip to their house won't be a shock when you get the call about the birth mother going into labor. Congratulations!
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 5:55 PM on Jun. 27, 2013

  • Ballad, you are the best at advice I have ever read!
    2kids2dogs2cats

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 6:03 PM on Jun. 27, 2013

  • Sense it is so up in the air about if and when you will have the baby. You might want to hint around that she might be a big sister sometime soon. But do not say anything specific.


    We are thinking of adopting a baby. But we do not know when it will happen.   Something like that.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:15 PM on Jun. 27, 2013

  • We started preparing our daughter while we were in the process of getting our names on the wait list. We told her that we hoped God would send another child to be her brother or sister. She was excited about the idea of being a big sister, and we mentioned this occasionally for about a year before we got "the call". When I got off the phone, my husband had overheard and could tell what it was about. I mouthed out silently, "Should we tell her now?" He shrugged, then nodded his head. I told her, "We think we have a baby brother for you. He should be coming home in a few days". Until the adoption was finalized, we said things like, "We love him and hope he will be able to stay so he can be part of our family forever". I agree that you should not wait until you get that call. It would be helpful to start preparing her somehow, especially since the new baby will take a lot of your time and that will be an adjustment for her.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 9:33 PM on Jun. 28, 2013

  • Iamgr8teful's response is similar to what we did when we believed that our son's future sibling could be born into the foster care system. (We adopted our sons through foster care.) We told him that God might be sending us a baby and that we'd take care of him/her for as long as God wanted us to. It might be a little while or a long while, but that it was important that we love the baby as long as he/she was with us. He was about 3 at the time and he began including the baby in his prayers. The baby did come several months later and our son had no adjustment issues, after all, this was the baby we'd prayed for. It made perfect sense that he was here as far as our son was concerned. As it turned out, the baby never left, but if he had, we had left it all in God's hands and God ALWAYS knows best. We'd have dealt with it in a way that we had done exactly what God wanted us to do, but God had other plans for the baby and for us.GL
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 1:31 AM on Jul. 6, 2013

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