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How to stay sain raising 6 kids and no outside of the job.

I'm raising my nieces 3 kids plus my 3 kids I had to quit working to take care of them. I want to work but I have fibromyalgia and can't stand very long.

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am6

Asked by am6 at 1:13 AM on Jun. 28, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • stay sain??? Huh???
    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 1:15 AM on Jun. 28, 2013

  • I suspect it's easier to stay sane with them all the time than coming and going all the time.

    One of the things I found is that I got used to my kids' energy, and really got to know them well, so I could anticipate a lot of their needs and see what they were thinking of doing --both of which eliminated a lot of problems, and stopped many from developing or getting worse... but when I spent any time away from them, it was hard to 'catch back up' --with where they were and what they are likely to be doing/thinking.

    One mom, of 16, who I heard interviewed years ago, was asked by the interviewer 'how do you get time to yourself?' She replied: if I wanted time to myself, I would not have had 16 children.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 1:17 AM on Jun. 28, 2013

  • And, Crafty26:

    'sain' is just one of the many proofs that phonics is a stupid way to teach anyone English.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 1:19 AM on Jun. 28, 2013

  • I haven't been in your shoes, but if I had to think about it logically, I guess I'd start by thinking of at least one positive thing, one thing you love, about each kid every day. Focus on that when chaos erupts.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 1:33 AM on Jun. 28, 2013

  • Here is a grocery list.....5th of Capt Morgan Rum, you choice as always, a couple of xanax and you can take it with the rum shot, perhaps a joint or 2 and then you would be of the corner doing this...


    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 5:43 AM on Jun. 28, 2013

  • I'm raising 5 (my own) and its really not that hard. Get them involved in chores, we have a huge white board in the laundry room, figure out a plan that works for you. Have the older ones help the younger ones. I also grew up as one of five and it makes it much easier for them to entertain themselves when they have a choice of who to play with!
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 7:38 AM on Jun. 28, 2013

  • The more you are working with the kids (responding to them when faced with problematic behaviors/situations, rather than reacting to them at those times), the more sane you likely will feel, even when busy & challenged, and even though the emotional demands are high.
    This is because you'll be responding to them in ways that develop, support & strengthen the relationship you share, rather than in ways that strain, undermine & erode that relationship. The relationship you share with your children is the foundation of everything. It's the primary source of the "power to parent." This "power" is not synonymous with force or control. It is more analogous to power-assisted steering, or power-assisted brakes, in a car. It helps things flow without force, effort, pressure.
    If you find you must rely on pressure, force, incentives or consequences in order to get a response or to engage cooperation, something is wrong!
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 8:46 AM on Jun. 28, 2013

  • You certainly have your hands full, how about dedicating some ME time and go exercise and work out that stress......you can do this at home and make them join you....
    older

    Answer by older at 8:58 AM on Jun. 28, 2013

  • But you have to start where you are!
    When in doubt, focus on connection.
    If things feel crazy & overwhelming, it's a time to respond constructively (in a way that supports & strengthens relationship.) Consider it a signal that there are a lot of urgent needs.
    Kids will become more flexible & resilient (more capable of independent, self-directed play, with fewer conflicts) once their needs are not feeling so urgent. As long as these needs feel urgent, they drive off-track behavior, inflexibility, whining, fussiness & perpetual demands. Try "front-loading" the kids with your time & attention (view the undesirable situation as a signal that this is what is needed) so that those attachment needs are addressed. Those are PRIMARY needs, meaning they will preoccupy a child until they are put to rest by being met & satisfied. This is the opposite of insisting they "stop," or responding negatively to the undesirable patterns.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 9:01 AM on Jun. 28, 2013

  • It takes a lot to be able to front-load effectively (because you have to be giving to the children, and if you feel spent & resentful, you are not available to them in a way that will help & you simply don't have your "self" to give.) Parental resistance (responding irritably or pulling away from whining & "acting out") will trigger counter-resistance in the child, because having their neediness resisted/seen negatively intensifies the child's anxiety.

    So....you really do need to take care of yourself. If you can get replenished, and feel supported, it is possible to "stay sane" without using work to cope (the chance to get away for awhile.) It also can help your "best self" (very resourceful, competent) to emerge, which is good for everybody.

    Do you have someone who can listen to you, and care about how it is for you? That's not always easy to find (even when you have friends/family) and a counselor may be worth a lot...
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 9:09 AM on Jun. 28, 2013

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