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4 Bumps

I am very upset and he doesn't get it or doesn't care

My boyfriend and i have two sons. The youngest, a five year old, is very destructive, and has destroyed well over a thousand dollars worth of items belonging to the rest of the family family (not including his own things or property damage to the house) within the last six months.My bf and I are in the process of moving and have moved out of our bedroom for the past couple weeks due to health issues caused there. My things - all of my most valued possessions, including craft items such as permanent paint, markers sewing supplies, cosmetics, clothes, shoes, my jewelry boxes, were on a shelf and small tables, as well as stacked in boxes and tins around a loveseat in the living room. We are moving this weekend. I left for work and came back 5mins later and the 5yo was on that loveseat in the middle of my belongings. I said no way, please, that's everything important to me that i own, there's paint, nail polish, permanent markers WITHIN REACH, I don't want my things destroyed, he cant be right there. My bf said fine, he wont, he'll play up in his room. Well, he decided that regardless of what he told me he would do, it was fine to let the child play thee for hours while I was at work.. Then he told he was watching so whats the big deal? Besides the fact that I trusted him to keep his word, and that I specifically explained the 'big deal' before I left, I think the big deal is now more of my belongings have been destroyed.He told me that the blue permanent paint, which is now gone and will need replaced to finish a project, which I got to clean up after work and that ruined one of my favorite shirts - oh yes, he told me that it is MY fault, because the paint may not have had a cap on top of the squeeze bottle. Well, that would be one reason I didn't feel it was suitable for small children to play there, it certainly wasn't childproof in that area. I feel like he completely disrespected me and my property. I am angry and hurt. And I told the kids directly before I left they couldn't play there and why, and he completely overruled my authority. He does not seem to understand why I am angry. He wanted the kids to play there so they could watch a movie on the computer monitor. I asked then why not take it up to one of their rooms. He said, no way would he let his computer equipment be up there with the kids, it would get broke! Umm, that seems a bit hypocritical to me. I feel that disrespected, and that my property was disrespected. I feel like crying. How I can get my boyfriend to understand my position?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:15 AM on Jul. 3, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • What steps have YOU taken to control your children's behavior?
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:20 AM on Jul. 3, 2013

  • Sounds like he does understand. He just doesn't care. :(
    NearSeattleMom

    Answer by NearSeattleMom at 2:42 AM on Jul. 3, 2013

  • He isn't showing his more caring side, that's for sure. Is this a one-time thing, or does he always place his needs (keeping his computer equipment safe) over yours (keeping the kids away from the boxes)?
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 2:46 AM on Jul. 3, 2013

  • This seems to be a both of you problem and not just him. You say this child has destroyed thousands of dollars worth of real estate?
    Where the heck were the parents of this child while all of this is being done?
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:47 AM on Jul. 3, 2013

  • The boyfriend probably doesn't care. And you can't make him care. But that is NOT the real problem here. Forget the boyfriend and concentrate on the BOY. "One man wrecking crew" is not a great future. Have you talked to his doctor about the destructive tendencies? They could be indicative of serious problems.

    The boyfriend, take or leave. Time to concentrate on the KID, who really needs help.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:05 AM on Jul. 3, 2013

  • Lack of discipline all around coupled with "meism" not a good combination. You all need some good solid counseling on how to set, keep and enforce boundaries.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:07 AM on Jul. 3, 2013

  • kids are destructive...min both were very much so around that age. Drove me crazy
    That gets better with time-
    Honestly, I would have expected that- having a bunch of paint and stuff around a kid that age so...

    As for the boyfriend, wow. He didn't want them around HIS stuff but it was fine for YOUR stuff? I don't even know what advice to give on that one
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 9:17 AM on Jul. 3, 2013

  • I think your first issue is to deal with your destructive child. Why is he doing this? Is he in school during the year? Does he do this in school? Sounds like your Boyfriend has washed his hands of the bad behavior & is just letting them run amuck. Keep your personal precious items in your car trunk or at a friends house. The "health issues" you are describing in your bedroom may be the cause of the childs wild behavior too. Have you spoken to his Pediatrician? What does he eat? No sugar & eliminate foods with added food dyes. When a home is messy & disrupted then it also effects the people living there. There are a lot of issues you need to address not just your Boyfriend. GL!

    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 11:59 AM on Jul. 3, 2013

  • My son is like that, i have learned to keep everything I don't want him to touch out of reach. Sounds like you are going to have to be the responsible one and keep track of where your things are and make sure your son can't get to them. If your bf doesn't care what your son does, chances are slim that he will ever change his attitude towards it. You are going to have the be the disciplinary one.
    AnonNdrag

    Answer by AnonNdrag at 12:14 PM on Jul. 3, 2013

  • Why are you leaving important stuff where it an be reached?? Men are idiots. If it important to you pity if someplace safe.. Don't expect a guy to value your stuff the same way you do!!
    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 12:19 PM on Jul. 3, 2013

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