Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

My children's father continues to be in and out of theirs lives causing them nothing but heartache. It's harder and harder the older they get. What do I do?

I can't stand to see them cry any longer. It's getting harder and harder each and every day. Please help me stop their pain! I need help immediately !

Answer Question
 
Kristian M.

Asked by Kristian M. at 2:36 AM on Jul. 4, 2013 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Don't let him come back into their lives unless you're forced to by law. Find another father figure to keep some sense of stability. It could be a volunteer mentor, a good friend, an uncle, etc. City/county volunteering websites usually have a mentoring program, like Big Brother/Big Sister. You should bring this up in court to restrict his visitation rights and explain to the judge how much it's hurting your children. Get a written statement from a therapist that also supports the restriction and get your kids in some kind of therapy. The city/county may offer some free or discounted therapy. Call your social/human services dept. to find out. The school psychologist (if there is one, there usually is one shared between schools) may also provide therapy.


    hugs

    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 3:00 AM on Jul. 4, 2013

  • From my personal experience leave please do not drag your children through that. My mother did it to my siblings and I growing up and I watch so much drama between my parents all because she wanted to keep her family together when starting to become my own adult and soon to be mom I resented her so much by her decision to stay with my father. And lost alot of respect for her and my father I could not imagine putting my unborn child through what she put my siblings and I through. Its takes more than one person to keep a family together don't put all that pressure on yourself. I wished my mother would of left my father now she suffers from depression and anxiety. And its something I have to deal with on my adult hood that could of been resolved in my child hood. In my personal opinion the only pain that's truly beautiful is giving birth not fighting with a men. If its truly meant to be its will work it self out.
    shy24

    Answer by shy24 at 3:02 AM on Jul. 4, 2013

  • How old are these kids? Does the father pay child support? Does he tell them he will come and then not show up? I agree that a long term solution to either get his visitation taken away or restricted might be good, but in the meantime, can you not tell them he is going to visit till he knocks on the door? Then if he blows them off, they'll be none the wiser.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 5:49 AM on Jul. 4, 2013

  • Who has custody? What are your visitation arrangements?
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 9:38 AM on Jul. 4, 2013

  • SHY24:
    I can't stand to see them cry any longer. It's getting harder and harder each and every day. Please help me stop their pain! I need help immediately !

    ALTERED -to- SHY24:
    You should sit down and have a serious talk with the children's father. Tell him the emotional damage he is causing to his own children, which can last a lifetime. That might give him something to think about. It would also be a good idea for you and the father to meet with a family counseling professional who can explain all this to him. Maybe he will take it more seriously coming from a professional.

    If the father is not deliberately emotional or physically abusive to the children, it is not a good idea to prevent him from seeing them. It will come back to haunt you later. When the children grow up, they will blame you for preventing them from seeing their father.
    Altered

    Answer by Altered at 4:17 PM on Jul. 4, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN