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I'm Confused and Irritated adult content

Ok so I posted the other day what happened when I caught my man watching porn.. And how it made me feel !!(Thanks to all that gave me great advice,much appreciated) but I recently asked him to talk to me about it and explain why etc?? But he won't he keeps trying to put the blame back on me for nothing!! But my ? At hand is why won't he talk about it and let me know why he done this and let me explain to him how hurt,sad,unwanted, and insecure I feel.. Its crazy cause its almost like its ok for him to watch it but if I do it than I'm cheating! Any advice and please be honest!! I can handle it and any bedroom advice would help

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Ms_Fabulous

Asked by Ms_Fabulous at 3:18 PM on Jul. 5, 2013 in Relationships

Level 4 (39 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Well, he probably won't talk about it because he already knows (from your reaction) that you're hurt, sad, and so on - and he doesn't want to hear more about it. As for why, men look at porn. It's what they do, and often, they don't necessarily have a "reason" other than it exists, and they did it.

    If it's a deal breaker for you for him to watch porn, then maybe ending the relationship would be the best thing to do right now, if he won't stop. Otherwise, I'd drop it and work on ways to increase your own self esteem and get rid of your insecurities. If you keep pressing him to talk about it, it'll just drive an even bigger wedge between you two.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 3:30 PM on Jul. 5, 2013

  • Geeze, you are seriously taking this way out of proportion due to your own insecurities. You need to stop bugging him about it or you're going to push him out the door. My ex husband & I had a "don't ask/don't tell" policy. I knew he occasionally would look at porn by himself, I just asked that he hide it from me & especially the kids. I didn't want my children to accidentally run across it.
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 3:31 PM on Jul. 5, 2013

  • He won't talk about it because it's personal. Leave him alone already!! As long as you are making him feel uncomfortable about it he will deflect blame to you. Just back off and move on... let it GO!!
    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 4:24 PM on Jul. 5, 2013

  • How many times are you going to ask this?! You asked it 4 times a couple of weeks ago, got tons of answers, deleted all of those questions, came back and asked again last night and twice more today. Stop asking the same question over and over and expecting different answers. Let it go already.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 4:31 PM on Jul. 5, 2013

  • I read this.
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 5:01 PM on Jul. 5, 2013

  • Didn't you just post this? I answered in your other question.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 5:05 PM on Jul. 5, 2013

  • Yes, Ballad. This is the seventh time she has posted this.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 5:06 PM on Jul. 5, 2013

  • My guess is that he's intimidated by the thought of "talking about" the issue & wants to avoid it. So, he's defensive (minimizing, deflecting blame, resisting talking.)
    I think it's highly unlikely that he has an easy answer to the question "Why?" Since it feels overwhelming, he avoids it.
    Given the info in your other Q, he had proposed sex & you were too tired to stay awake. When you DID wake up & check in, he waved you on to bed. Later on, you discovered him. He was evasive but eventually you figured out what had happened.
    Likely he used porn in lieu of sex for logistical reasons, having turned you down out of consideration (he realized you were really wiped out), but still feeling randy. It's also possible he waved you on to bed because he'd already started looking for a video & he opted for porn over sex when he had the choice. What you know for sure is that you were tired & literally falling asleep!
    Don't borrow trouble.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 9:09 PM on Jul. 6, 2013

  • Here's something "my friend" did and it worked (Refocused energy on their own "good enough sex" instead of porn/fantasies of other people)
    Find a guy you can think about (I mean could really like to think about), get a toy (buy one if you don't have one), take a breath, let your mind go, relax...and have an orgasm. Let him know that you understand, you did it too, that you feel a little weird though because (fill in the blank, whoever the fantasy guy was) was different than what you're used to (your husband). Give him a hot kiss and let him stew. Don't touch the topic again, focus your energy on how sexy YOU are. Go work out, eat well, do your hair, accentuate your best features and touch him often. Trust me, he will be all over you, let him and don't turn him down. When he ultimately brings up your fantasy guy (he will, just wait, will probably be after the sex) respectfully agree that you'll both focus on each other.
    Bugsrcute

    Answer by Bugsrcute at 5:47 PM on Jul. 7, 2013

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