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How do you really move on?

Divorced 3 months after 20 years. Left 3 1/2 years ago but told me for 2 years he was coming back. Has been with same woman for I think longer than before he left. Told me I wasn't fun,cursed at me ,spit on me,didn't keep house clean,drank alot ,two children put me through ringer in divorce, how do I let go and stop blaming me.

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learning2letgo

Asked by learning2letgo at 11:18 AM on Feb. 18, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • he's the one that sounds like the ass. and are you saying hes been with another women? the whole time you have been gone? if so then he has moved on and is stringing you and this other women along. you need to just move on there is another man out there that wong treat you like a dog. why blam yourself for his behavoior.
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 11:23 AM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • first let me say.. I can't imagine the pain you are going through, and I am so sorry,

    That being said. I grew up with my dad a very severe alcoholic and for me to let go of all the bad feelings etc that I had towards him and his "wife" like watching my sister get drug around our house by her hair etc... I just had to decide one day that I was done carrying around that ind of hurt.

    Honestly one day I kind of rolled out of bed all kinds of depressed about evrything going on in my life and said I'm done. People will be people they will always be drunks, all that I can do is let them live their life the way they want and if they someday want to have a relationship with me or my family they can coem and talk with me and they can become active members in our lives not just keepin everything to themselves and discluding the rest of us. and so that is how I have lived.

    I forgave them for what hey did and moved on.
    Kelly_Ann

    Answer by Kelly_Ann at 11:24 AM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • never been in a relationship that long... but i read alot of self help books lol... i also did new things. i got rid of all of the old stuff that reminded me of things. i made new traditons for me.. working out, doing things that make you feel good. buying some new panties. meeting new friends. everything new. go to school, take a class in dancing, put u first now.... take a trip somewhere nice... buy some new heels. drink with the girls. so something dareing, get your favorite picture of yourself and make it into a poster frame it and kiss it everyday:) time heals all wounds you just have to forgive him for being an ass, forgive yourself for being with an ass and look in the mirror and love you ass lol good luck sweetie
    himnme

    Answer by himnme at 11:28 AM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • If the man spit on you why would you want him to come back? ok, I didn't mean that in a bad way. I just meant think hard about what you are clinging to. Think about all the bad and that might help. Also you can't find a good man that's right for you if you keep looking back at him. He's gone. Shut the door and lock it. End of chapter. Turn the page to a new chapter and live for you in the NOW and for the future. Be the best you that you can be. Find yourself and what makes you happy. I wasn't fun until I cut the cord from an abusing x. My whole world opened up once I let go and now I'm the happiest I've ever been. If you can find the book How to Fall Out of Love, maybe that will help. It helped me. Sometimes we're just scared to let go. You will be fine. Find your joy. Once you start smiling and have confidence in yourself men will flock and they won't spit on you!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:34 AM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • Honestly the best way to get over someone is to get out there and meet someone else. And this time you can be picky cause your more experienced.
    faithsMoM27

    Answer by faithsMoM27 at 12:30 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • Thank you for all your answers. I am trying really hard to let it go. At 48 it seems like I will be at loss to find someone. It scares me to think my last love will be this one. He told me I was stupid many times and that my feelings were childish, he even told me when he flirted with other women that I had to accept it because thats who he was. I hate to say it because it sounds so silly now but he even went on vacations by himself(or so he said) I bought into the being stupid thing and tried so hard to make him happy. Everyone saw it but me. Little steps I guess and it takes time. It took me awhile to believe I was abused because he kept telling me all was my fault. Thanks again I am gonna keep trying to be happy. Its funny my daughter won't go stay at his house for over two years but he blames her for that.
    learning2letgo

    Answer by learning2letgo at 12:54 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • Men do this. They want you to think it's your fault so they will feel better about what wrong they have done. The only mistake you made was to believe you deserved a guy that would treat you like that and wait around on him to come back after he's moved on. You can do way better! Yall do have kids together so you will have to deal with him, but show him that you can move on and when and if he acts like he wasn’t you back say NO! Go get your hair and nails done, buy some new clothes (something that's you but with a little more oomph) Get you teeth whitened, and go the tanning bed, all these things will make YOU feel better about YOU. And that is the greatest step in the right direction of moving on.
    candace71306

    Answer by candace71306 at 1:00 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • First of all you cannot control what someone else desideds to do to you or anyone else. Second you need to believe that the right guy is out there and you will find him. I went through a few abusive relationships b4 I found and married a good man.
    crysandlg

    Answer by crysandlg at 1:21 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • well this is not your fault.. my ex used to do the same thing. i remember he would always tell me "oh if you didnt do some shit so fucking stupid i wouldnt be mad and just go to the club to have just a few drinks" but hed be drunk and i was there thinking i shouldnt have done this or done that he would still be there. then it just came to the point where hed say " oh if you didnt doo som..." i would be like WHATEVER SHIT ALREADY! you just have to say enough is enough already. your not stupid. if a woman hears that over and over she will began to think that. now its over.... realize he is the one who has a drinking problem. that is why he does what he does. his dad was probably the same, he was propably raised in some swful way, his mother probably took some abuse, he saw it somewhere. (somewhere in your childhood made you feel unworthy as well or so i read once... ) You have to put yourself first now... no more him.
    himnme

    Answer by himnme at 8:01 AM on Feb. 19, 2009

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