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How can I show my 12 year old daughter that she is very much loved? She is constantly saying she "hates her life" & "no one cares"!

Answer Question

Asked by SO4mykids at 4:24 PM on Jul. 6, 2013 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • What provokes those outbursts?

    I hear them from my 13 year old son about once a day, usually when he's been told to do something he doesn't want to do. I give it NO value as a result. And know what? The frequency has gone from once an hour to only once a day.

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:29 PM on Jul. 6, 2013

  • Make a day out for just you two. Do something she likes & take her to lunch or dinner. Make it a once a month Mom & me day or night. BTW she sounds like the average 12 year old.

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 4:31 PM on Jul. 6, 2013

  • Have a mother/daughter day with her. Go shopping, get her to open up and talk to you about what is bothering her. Is it school? Is it kids bullying her? Does she not feel pretty? At that age, most girls start to focus on relationships, crushes, etc. which is also connected to how they look, how many friends they have, their popularity, etc. Perhaps a makeover might help her - you can give her a manicure/pedicure at home, try a new hairstyle, try new clothes...but remind her that what really matters is that she has so much to give but is still "in training" before she can really see her purpose in life. Hug her often, ask her for advice on a few things at home to show how much you value her thoughts, give her small projects and praise her, let her catch you bragging about her to a "friend" on the phone.

    Answer by hellokittykat at 4:33 PM on Jul. 6, 2013

  • Perhaps you aren't speaking her love language. There are five: quality time, gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation and physical touch. There's a book The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman on this subject! Very helpful!!

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:43 PM on Jul. 6, 2013

  • I couldn't agree more to do the mom and daughter days out on a regulear basis. Pick things she wants to do. Throw ideas around together. All kids can benefit from days out like this with either parent. Also, if she doesn't want to talk a lot have her write down things that are on her mind. She can opt to have you read them or she can keep it private. Sometimes conversation can start easier this way if a child writes it down and lets the parent read it. GL

    Answer by silverthreads at 4:45 PM on Jul. 6, 2013

  • From the question, there really isn't enough informationt to tell if this is a normal 12-year-old pitching a preteen hissy fit, or if it's a hurting kid with a real self-esteem problem. If it's a garden variety temper tantrum or sulk party, then ignoring it and spending more positive time together will probably work. If it's something deeper, then the girl might need counseling. Only you know if there's stuff going on in her life that would make you worry about a bigger issue than adolescent pouting.

    Answer by Ballad at 4:59 PM on Jul. 6, 2013

  • There are a lot of good answers here. I hope they work.

    Answer by happytobeRJsmom at 11:10 PM on Aug. 18, 2013

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