Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Do you keep your children's feelings in mind when you make huge,life changing decisions?

New relationships?
A big move?
I try to imagine my son as an adult saying" When you did(fill in the blank),it really screwed up my life/made my life better" etc when I decide on something big
I know what it's like to have a parent make a giant, selfish thing that messed up your life

 
butterflyblue19

Asked by butterflyblue19 at 12:22 AM on Jul. 8, 2013 in Relationships

Level 50 (383,297 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Yes!! I was affected greatly by a few choices my parents made... Things that could have been done with us in mind. I will never do some of those things to my kids !!!
    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 12:35 AM on Jul. 8, 2013

  • I try to, but some things are out of our control. I feel bad he has moved so many times in his 6 years of life due to the Military. I didn't feel so bad before he started school because I don't think he really noticed it too much, but now that he is older I felt really sad that he had to leave his good friends. But we are done with the major moves now.
    cassie_kellison

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 12:28 AM on Jul. 8, 2013

  • Depends on what it is. I know a lot of things I do affect him, but some things he just can't have a say in. When I left my ex, I knew it was the best thing for all of us. Yeah, it was hard on DS at first, but he is good with it now. I try to keep him in mind when I do things and make sure I do what is best for both of us.
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 12:35 AM on Jul. 8, 2013

  • I do, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. If the only way you can keep feeding your kids is to move, then you move, even if you know it's going to piss your kid off and make him think his life is ruined. Relationships - in theory, if you remarry, your husband is going to be around after your kids grow up and have lives of their own, so depending on what problem the kids have with it and their ages, you might have to put your own feelings first. I'm talking if your kids are in their late teens and they just don't like him because he's not Dad - not when your kids are little and they don't like him because he treats them or you badly.

    I've seen your posts and I know you have major (justified) issues with your mom. But I think in some cases, we have to grow up and sometimes become a parent ourselves to realize that something our parents did wasn't selfish, but a matter of no choice or necessity.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:20 AM on Jul. 8, 2013

  • I try to, but on some things, the kids don't have the big picture thinking yet to know what's going to be best for everybody in the long run. Still, I do think about how my choices will affect the people around me as much as possible.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:55 AM on Jul. 8, 2013

  • I did. Moving, changing school districts, etc. We're all eventually going to fuck up our kids one way or another.... All we can do is try!
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:15 AM on Jul. 8, 2013

  • Of course! However, I think parents sometimes need to do things that kids can't see the benefit of right away. Our family moved to Raleigh NC when I was 10 from SC and at the time I hated it. Now as an adult I can see that being in a larger city (but still not overwhelmingly big) provided me so many more opportunities than I would have had if we had stayed in our small town in SC. Although I didn't like it at the time, with hindsight I can see there was a lot of benefit in moving.
    When I was single and dating, I definitely thought about what type of dad each guy I dated would make and I didn't introduce anyone to my kids until I knew he was "the one" and I didn't marry him (or move in with him) until my kids were more than comfortable with him.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 8:40 AM on Jul. 8, 2013

  • We do, but at the same time, we have to do what we have to do as well.
    We have moved many times and it's never fun for any of us, but it has gotten us to a better place (money wise) in the end.
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 9:32 AM on Jul. 8, 2013

  • Yes. I am dealing with this now. We want to move to a pretty remote place, and the only option for school would be virtual schooling. I am really torn because I feel like the kids should be around other kids, and I worry not only about their education, but also about how they will learn to interact with people.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 11:39 AM on Jul. 8, 2013

  • I am. My son comes first. He's only 3 1/2 but I know that I will consider his feelings when it comes to things.
    Sillylins

    Answer by Sillylins at 11:21 AM on Jul. 8, 2013

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN