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Could it have turned into a case of misunderstood intent?

Friend of mine getting married October 26 and sent a "save the date" notice via Facebook. One future guest asked where the reception was going to be and bride-to-be answered:

It's my friends property and home. They have 14 acres and they graciously offered to let us use their land. It will be beautiful in the fall with all of their trees."

By the end of October, most trees around here (we are 20 minutes from where their reception will be) have already lost most of their leaves. I didn't want her to be upset or disappointed about this if she would be expecting colors of red, orange, and yellow in the background, so I decided to message her privately (not wanting to do it publicly) saying:

"Saw your post on your wedding (congrats on date, btw). Just FYI, by the end of October, most leaves are off trees. At least by our house they are, maybe different types of trees there or something. Our big leaf pile is usually always done in mid-October when our trees are almost bare."

She basically just answered saying that it was the only weekend in October they could do it and she was hoping for some warmth and stubborn leaves.

I was asking husband if he knew anything about if our trees were early shedders and why and he told me that I should have kept my mouth shut because I probably came across as a pushy-know-it-all. I was only trying to help out and that was my only intent, but started to worry that friend may have thought what husband said, so I messaged her just telling her that If I came across that way, I was sorry, it wasn't my intent and that everything was going to be beautiful no matter what.

Her reply was:

"Lol. It's all good. I knew your intention, although someone else may not have gotten it. Lol."

I am just not understanding how my intent could have been taken other than just trying to be a helpful friend. Husband was no help in explaining and I'd rather leave it alone with the friend, so hoped I could get some ideas from you all. If it were you in my shoes, would you have left it alone?

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Some may say should call to talk to personally instead of message and I would agree normally, but we really don't have that type of friendship. More of a local mom Facebook friend that we get kids together for a playdate every now and again.


Asked by Anonymous at 12:34 AM on Jul. 8, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • you voiced an opinion. she graciously accepted it- let it go before you become annoying

    Answer by feralxat at 12:46 AM on Jul. 8, 2013

  • "let it go before you become annoying "

    Best advice... EVER! Love you feral!

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 12:50 AM on Jul. 8, 2013

  • It really doesn't matter of you did or didn't, or could have or couldn't. Don't over think something so small! She's obviously not upset about it, so you shouldn't be either. (:

    Answer by Ej1010 at 2:44 AM on Jul. 8, 2013

  • I would have left it alone. I think it comes off as push and know it all to send the message at all. I am sure the bride has thought all of that through.

    Shrugs... I wouldn't have done it. But it isn't the end of the world either.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 12:39 AM on Jul. 8, 2013

  • I think I would have my comment to myself on this one.

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:40 AM on Jul. 8, 2013

  • Honestly, I wouldn't have taken what you said as pushy, so it sort of surprises me that your husband and your friend thought you came across that way. So much is lost on FB or IM when you can't smile and put a positive tone in your voice.

    Answer by Ballad at 1:00 AM on Jul. 8, 2013

  • I would have thanked you for the warning.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:26 AM on Jul. 8, 2013

  • I probably would have done the same thing. I fully admit that I tend toward the pushy and know it all, but my friends know that and love me anyway. I would rather share my knowledge than kick myself later for keeping my mouth shuts when I shouldn't have. The key is to never day I told you so when you tell them and they don't listen and you are right.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:00 AM on Jul. 8, 2013

  • It is done
    No harm, no foul

    Now drop it, do not give it any thought, and get on with your day

    Would I have left it, most likely
    But people put their feet in their mouth al. The time, everyone has those moments, especially on Internet where a person can not hear tone,a nd things taken out of context.

    Answer by fiatpax at 8:40 AM on Jul. 8, 2013

  • Great advice but not necessarily regarding this since I specifically said "I'd rather leave it alone with the friend, so hoped I could get some ideas from you all." Hence, letting it go before I became annoying. :)

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:58 AM on Jul. 8, 2013