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Relapsing alcoholic husband

good morning! i hope you are all well. eventho, i am not new to cafe mom stories, i am to being a member on the site.

from my posts already, i tend to go into long detail, cos well i do.

i have concerns, like that i already posted of my 4 y/o son driving me batty. the responses i received helped almost instantly, but being my husband won't follow through at night, well its like for nothing. but thanks!!! i know i will not allow a child to get under my skin like that anymore.
also about my 14 y/o freshman daughter, her stepdad has been around since she was 3, now she loathes him but she is 14. no excuse, but his alcoholism & her own peer pressure--would like to touch upon that further
the biggest one is going through with leaving my dh b/c of another relapse. (other psych issues involoved)
but lastly is there a mental health room?

i do not get on the puter much b/c of dh, he thinks its better if my 4 y/o(who broke my last laptop) should use it as a tv cos only one other tv, and it is his.
tho, when i do get on, he thinks im a puter junkie. he has no clue, for he won't allow himself into the computer world. its stupid he says..which means he just does not want to look like he knows nothing.

so, in general, i ask can someone like guide me. my mind is a cluster(i have post traumatic stress, as well as bipolar) worried that trying to get all this together and stay sane is going to be what drives me to a breakdown.
i need to leave but dont have resources at all. well i do, but i can not move in with my mom. i know i cant pick and choose, but i am finally happy with my mom and mine relationship now, we live together all that is gone in seconds.
i just have so much.
any help for on here, or somewhere else you may know i would appreciate.

btw-you can tell i totally love this site, after he left for work out came the puter, usually its loading facebook & tmz then i go down my bookmarks for instant wins and such.
but i came straight here without loading anything else...be happy that i have an outlet...cos i am

Answer Question
 
gauge.mom

Asked by gauge.mom at 7:42 AM on Jul. 10, 2013 in Relationships

Level 2 (9 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • You all need some in-depth family counseling. If I knew where you live, I would find you someone.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:08 AM on Jul. 10, 2013

  • . unfortunately. he cant admit certain things to himself, let alone others.
    he went to detox cos i was leaving last time(about 3 months ago) but i kinda waited cos i knewhe lied & told them he only drank. so he didnt detox all the way
    still suffering w/drawls weeks after b/c he stopped popping antianxiety meds he'd get from friends, or from my script.
    i could feel it coming to the point that he was going to ask for perm and i told him not to, he knows better, and he is a big boy, but no pills. get sloppy again nope, we are done.
    back 2 a case in less than a week and drinking in the morning w/in the following week. im not licensed in psychology, but i have been in the system for over 17 years...&have always studied and been fascinated with psychology. all areas, mainly psych of addiction and adolescents. THOUGHT he's bipolar but realized its ptsd with manic depression...but im thinking worse now...he needs help
    gauge.mom

    Comment by gauge.mom (original poster) at 9:11 AM on Jul. 10, 2013

  • he was almost molested at 8 and pushed the creep away, which he reminds me i so could have done to. but i have come to terms with the fact i was raped at 8 by my deceased brother. i always partied hard and was the f**k up and then had a breakdown at 32 cos it all came back.(which 30s is a pretty normal age for it to happen, even ppl who didnt remember at all it comes to them then-fyi
    every argument we have when he is drunk is one sided. i learned to shut up. go to sleep shut him off. his family knew cos i told him its way too much now.
    they talked to him, they left he got a beer & all night i had to hear how i was a narc. so one day he invited fam from virginia and the mountains to visit. he opened his first beer a little after 6 a.m. i said everyone is coming, itll be ok. so i said f it stayed my happy butt inside & see how he is daily with us(me,dd,ds)
    they did nothing
    he went to detox only cos i had packed some stuff
    gauge.mom

    Comment by gauge.mom (original poster) at 9:24 AM on Jul. 10, 2013

  • Call 2-1-1. It's a hotline for social services. They can find you a place to stay if you truly want to leave (and I think you should), and resources to keep yourself and your kids fed. They can also get you hooked up with Al-Anon, which you need desperately.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:40 AM on Jul. 10, 2013

  • You will not fix this man, you will not change this man, you will not love him away from it all.
    He needs to do what's best for him, and you need to do what is bet for you and your child, and that path usually does not end withthe two of you being together.
    If the threat of you leaving made him consider going to treatment, then leave. He needs to remain there for 90 days and complete an other 90 days of outpatient therapy and testing.
    Once he's clean, MAYBE the two of you can work on things, but I have a feeling once you're away from this symbiotic relationship you'll see that the grass is greener elsewhere.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:57 PM on Jul. 10, 2013

  • Call your county health department. Someone will know about vailablelow-cost resources in your area.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 2:01 PM on Jul. 10, 2013

  • much obliged for the suggestions ladies. 


    i have a master plan in motion. its easier to pick up and go to his friends than me and 2 kids with stuff...i want to stay here a couple months to get my stuff straight...

    gauge.mom

    Comment by gauge.mom (original poster) at 12:30 AM on Jul. 11, 2013

  • im sorry

    Monsita

    Answer by Monsita at 1:26 AM on Jul. 12, 2013

  • its getting bad again...went from a 40oz to a 12 pck and now my happiest moment is to see him pull out a case. because anyone with an alcoholic knows how much fun and how quiet and unargumentative they are when they come inside at 2 am.
    im just happy to know that i am not feminine at all and a turn off...not all guys see me that way, cos i get hit on or flirted with everyday. and im not stick think but im not huge or anything, and my personality is luckily well acted.
    i dont care cos i dont even want to think of another man. at least right now. i work in an hour to my "bulls**t) part time job. mind you i am the only one working. i like my bullcrap part time. i get to get out. yeah i sweat through my shirts daily busting myself, but to be laughed at and told thats not sweaty at all.
    i cant anymore.
    i just know the fight for our son he will never be civil about. we HAVE to. until then, ill just be torn down nightly.good times
    gauge.mom

    Comment by gauge.mom (original poster) at 3:57 PM on Jul. 12, 2013

  •  


                                  There are Domestic Abuse Groups, which I OWN ONE, on cafe mom.


                                       Join my group. You are welcome.


                                     Just remind me, who you are in the application.

    SissyAnn141

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 3:18 AM on Jul. 17, 2013

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