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Why do two of my four children dislike me so much???

My two oldest girls seem to be very critical of me. The second oldest dislikes me so much she won't talk to me. I can't touch her or hold her or kiss her goodnight. She won't even pose in a picture with me. I try to be kind and loving but the more they treat me like this, the more I think there is something wrong with me. Don't know how this all happened.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:22 PM on Jul. 10, 2013 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (10)
  • We need more information.

    What is your family life like?

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 10:25 PM on Jul. 10, 2013

  • How old are they ? Kids can tend to go through phases. No matter what, just keep showing them love. In the end, they will be drawn to it. Hugs !! Act as if they do love to be with you, smile, keep humor going and just set the example....

    Answer by LeJane at 10:26 PM on Jul. 10, 2013

  • Well I went through a divorce a year ago but my kids have been this way towards me for several years prior. I don't think we function well as a family. Not cohesive. Don't share and laugh like we should. We are all scattered and doing are own things. I have a 16 yr old, a 15 yr old, a 12 yr old and a 7 yr old. I don't want the youngest two to get like the older two. After a while, i start to take all of this so personally that I feel rejected and my heart breaks. I am not rude or disrespectful to my kids. I want to hold and grab the oldest like I do the youngest two but they won't let me. They are harsher towards me. Don't cut me any slack. I work hard and do the best I can on a teacher's salary. I ask them to do things with me like riding bikes or going for walks but they won't.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:31 PM on Jul. 10, 2013

  • Have you ever tried to ask them why they resent you so much? I know it's probably not easy to talk to them, but it sounds like something is going on. Could your ex be encouraging the ill feelings?

    Answer by Ballad at 11:28 PM on Jul. 10, 2013

  • counseling for all of you to get to the roots of the problems. You do not say how old they are and you give no other information so, that is all I have.

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:34 PM on Jul. 10, 2013

  • So it's the two older ones? I'm afraid it's pretty normal for them to NOT want that kind of physical contact from you any more. And to be disinterested in bike rides. That DOES NOT mean they hate you.

    You aren't clear about how they are harsh, so there's no way to advise you there.

    So far, I'm reading teenager here. And there's not much to do to cure that condition but wait it out. Counseling may be in order.

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:39 AM on Jul. 11, 2013

  • Maybe a combination of individual & family counseling would help. Plan some fun family things you can do together. They're teens, they will probably whine about it, but so what. Teenagers complain a lot. I think if you did some fun things together, they will see you in a different light. GL


    Answer by mrsmom110 at 8:10 AM on Jul. 11, 2013

  • That's how teenagers are. They might come back around when they are a bit older. It sounds typical teen to me.

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 8:42 AM on Jul. 11, 2013

  • You can respond in a way that helps the situation.
    Honor their personal limits & their feelings. Even when it's hard, or when it frustrates or upsets you to do so.
    Show them the respect & consideration you wish they were giving you. Meaning, respond respectfully to the feelings they're expressing when they are rebuffing you or conveying dislike, no interest in your company. (Rather than taking issue with it.)
    This doesn't translate to "being a doormat" or "walking on eggshells." It's about letting them have their feelings--not making those feelings "wrong" or struggling to change them.
    As for Why, it could be "teen stuff" (it is typical for teens who feel acutely insecure or self-critical to "project" that intensely negative stuff outward as scorn & disdain, typically on parents, siblings.) You would see it as an indication that they don't like themselves too much, and they're vulnerable.
    It could be reaction to intrusiveness.

    Answer by girlwithC at 11:13 AM on Jul. 11, 2013

  • Family counseling? Something has made them this way and you need to find out why. Does your ex say things to them to make them dislike you? Are you pushing too much? Do they blame you for the divorce or dysfunction in the family?

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:42 PM on Jul. 14, 2013

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