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Is this normal?

I am at 37 weeks as of today. Recently I've been having doubts in myself and feeling that I should have gotten an abortion when I found out I was pregnant. I don't believe in abortion, and never thought I'd ever be a person who would regret not getting one, but I am feeling lost and alone. The father of the child doesn't believe it is his kid, because we broke up shortly after I found out. He has treated be rather badly over the past 9 months, and I am not sure if this is the reason I am having so many doubts. A few months ago I met someone who has been amazing, and has pulled me through a lot of my doubts, and has been there for me where my ex refused, but this keeps ringing in my mind no matter what I do. Everyone I've asked in my family says it is normal, because of the amount of mental abuse I endured with my ex, and being a first time mom.

Maybe it is because I am young, and this wasn't a planned pregnancy. I am only 20, and not sure if I have the strength to be a mother, but I need to know if it is normal to feel like this, and to fear being a mother so much.


Asked by ChrysAsh at 5:10 PM on Jul. 11, 2013 in Pregnancy

Level 5 (99 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Anyone who says she has had no fear over the prospect of becoming a mother is either neck deep in denial or a pathological liar. It sounds like you've had a rough time of it, so serious doubts aren't surprising. Most likely, when you finally give birth to the child you spared, you'll rise to the occasion and be glad you didn't have an abortion. If not, there are many services available to help you. One that I would highly recommend for someone like you who is young and inexperienced is urse Family Partnership, which you can look into at your local WIC office. A visiting nurse comes to your home every few weeks till your child is two years old, basically to answer any questions you have and help you make sure the baby is developing wel. The program was a comfort to me. Oh, and if the ex is going to treat you badly, get rid of him. File for child support, though, after getting a DNA test. Goode luck.

    Answer by Ballad at 5:24 PM on Jul. 11, 2013

  • Having a baby is scary! You have every right to be feeling the way you do. Your ex is a douche, good for you for finding a man who seems to love you and your baby. I'd get a DNA test to prove the asshole ex wrong, and then go for child support. Ballad gave some wonderful advice.

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 5:46 PM on Jul. 11, 2013

  • I was 21 and had only been dating the father of my baby for less than 3 months when I got pregnant with my son. I was TERRIFIED he'd leave me. I thought about getting an abortion and not telling anyone. He didn't, I didn't, and now that baby is 9 1/2 and has a little sister that is 6. And, we've been married now for 9 years. Yes, that baby was 6 months old when we got married.

    Like Ballad said, if you've never been terrified you're either in denial or lying.

    Take some deep breaths, take things one day at a time, and lean on those that are around you wanting to love and support you. It is amazing the things we moms can do and endure. You CAN do this.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 7:55 PM on Jul. 11, 2013

  • Thank you both, you gave amazing advice. I am still having trouble obviously, but this does help. I hope these feelings go away soon.

    Comment by ChrysAsh (original poster) at 6:01 PM on Jul. 11, 2013

  • This could be the chance to turn your life around. You love the baby, and there is lots of help available to you, maybe consider adoption? In many cases the adoptive parents can pay for your living expenses, food money etc. I had a friend who was in a similar situation, she gave her boy a fantastic life, and was able to become a nurse.
    You have hormones running wild, but your baby doesn't deserve a dead beat father, and you don't deserve to be treated poorly, no matter what you must now break the cycle, hugs to you mother!

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 9:05 PM on Jul. 11, 2013

  • @ 2kids2dogs2cats, I would not put my child up for adoption in the state I live in, due to alot of problems with the system. Although, my mother did say if I cannot handle it, she will adopt her, and help until I am capable of being a mother, Although she is positive I can do it, I am just wary due to my age, maturity, and financial place in life.

    Comment by ChrysAsh (original poster) at 10:03 PM on Jul. 11, 2013