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How can I get him to understand?

I am currently 37 weeks pregnant, and for most of the pregnancy (12 weeks and on) My OBGYN told me no lifting anything over 5 LBS, because I have had some complications for most of the pregnancy. I have a bedroom that I'll be converting into both bedroom and nursery for me and my daughter. My boyfriend said he would help, considering all the lifting in the room is well over 5 LBS, and he promised to help me get it done before I was 25 weeks. I am now full term and can have the baby at any time, and when he says he will get to it, and help out in the room, he puts it off and then ends up needing to go to bed for work the next day, or he uses the excuse 'Oh I forgot.' I don't know what to do anymore! I can't do the work without putting an unhealthy strain on my body. I will go up there and organize the stuff I can, put up baby stuff, and make it look a bit better, but when we have large boxes laying everywhere, and totes filled with large items, and large baby furniture that needs assembly and moving, there is very little change in the room. Does anyone have any advice on how I can get him to understand that there is no more time to keep putting it off, it has to get done and it has to get done now. I don't want to seem pushy or controlling, but I really need the help and he wont help! It wont even take more then 3 hours of work to get done if he would actually get started!


Asked by ChrysAsh at 5:27 PM on Jul. 11, 2013 in Pregnancy

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This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • How about asking him to schedule a specific time to do it? Like ask him if he's available Sunday at 3. When he says yes, tell him great that's when we're doing the baby's room and then sit there with him while he does it.

    Answer by missanc at 5:44 PM on Jul. 11, 2013

  • I'd tell him you're hiring a handyman. And then do it.

    Answer by gdiamante at 5:47 PM on Jul. 11, 2013

  • Tell him you've hired someone and it's going to cost $150, UNLESS he can get it done by Friday because the guy is coming Saturday morning.
    From here on out, plan on doing things by yourself! He's not going to change!

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 6:55 PM on Jul. 11, 2013

  • Oh, and one other thing. Men are funny. Try telling him exactly when you want this done by. "Honey, I need you to help me. I want this room done by Sunday night at the latest." My boyfriend used to put things off and then say I hadn't made it clear what kind of time line I was expecting, so I've learned to spellit out even though I think he should get it from my sense of urgency, which he is usually oblivious to. I feel like I'm being pushy, but he appreciates the direct, concrete approach.

    Answer by Ballad at 5:37 PM on Jul. 11, 2013

  • I'd either do what missanc said, or get someone else to come in and help. If you get someone else, it'll either make him step up and do what he needs to do, or it'll get done by the other person - either way, it gets done.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 6:43 PM on Jul. 11, 2013

  • I like PGA's advise. It MUST get done, so hire someone. If you find a teenager it might only cost $30. ($10 an hour)Ask friends who have older kids, relatives, church members kids. Co- workers kids.   If he says you don't have the money for that then say,  you do it now or we use money we don't have to get it done.


    Answer by musicmaker at 7:11 PM on Jul. 11, 2013

  • You said in your other post that you have someone who has been helping you through this time in your life, so ask him to help you.

    Answer by musicmaker at 7:26 PM on Jul. 11, 2013

  • It's a shame if you don't live together. You could always say " Gee the crib isn't put together. I guess the baby will have to co-sleep with us." At this point I'd hire someone to do it. Or at least feign hiring someone. Ask him if he can recommend a handy man company and when he asks why tell him "I really need that room done and you've been so busy/tired lately." Either he'll get started or he'll help hire someone.

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 9:37 PM on Jul. 11, 2013

  • I don't know why, but it doesn't sound like your boyfriend wants to understand. Is there anyone else who can help you? I'm sorry.

    In case it makes you feel better, the baby won't care. As long as there's a safe sleeping place, you may not like the way the room looks, but your angel will be satisfied. I hate to admit it, but for a while after my daughter was born, I had so many hand-me-down clothes to sort through and the house was a disaster because my stepson was staying there and needed a bed and so on, the baby's room looked like a thrift store. But we got it all straightened out with no long term consequences.

    Best of luck to you for a safe delivery. Whatever you do, mind the doctor and don't try to get the work done yourself.

    Answer by Ballad at 5:34 PM on Jul. 11, 2013

  • Be pushy. Tell him it needs to be done now.
    So you two do not live together?

    Answer by louise2 at 8:49 PM on Jul. 11, 2013