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3 Bumps

My friend has fertility issues and I'm having my second baby...

I'm pregnant with my second little girl and my friend (same age as me) just got married and has been trying to get pregnant for a while now. She has PCOS really bad and is on metformin and chlomid and who knows what else (I'm not very educated on fertility drugs). Well, we have known each other since we were little and I recently got her a job with me and two of our co-workers are also pregnant along with a few clients. Today our other pregnant co worker was talking about how her baby is up in her ribcage and I was talking about how mine is kicking me in the bladder and my friend goes "yeah, well mine isn't doing anything at all. That's nice too, huh?" and I immediately felt bad. We've talked about this before and I've offered to keep the baby talk to a minimum and she said it wasn't bothering her and that she's happy for me because we are such good friends but I know that she has to be feeling bad and I worry about her emotions while she's working with me and around all of these other pregnant women.

What could I say or do to make her feel better? I don't want her to start feeling negative toward me and I definitely don't want her feeling sad all of the time. I don't know what to do for her :(

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:21 PM on Jul. 11, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • Speaking from the point of view of someone who struggled with fertility issues at the age when all of my friends were having babies, there's nothing you can say that will make your friend feel better. Don't keep the baby talk to a minimum because your friend probably is truly happy for you and doesn't want to rain on your parade, but just know that sometimes a remark like she made will slip out in spite of her best efforts to keep her sadness to herself. It really is her burden and ou can't carry it for her. If she ever brings it up and wants to talk, the best you can be is a listening ear.

    Answer by Ballad at 7:30 PM on Jul. 11, 2013

  • Thanks Ballad. I just feel really awful. It was hard to tell her I was expecting again because I know she's going through a lot. I'm seriously one of the most fertile women on the planet and I wish I could just give he the gift of fertility ha. It's hard to see my friend go through this and not feel guilty that I'm being blessed with another child. I just pray she gets pregnant soon...she wants it so bad and she deserves it.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:36 PM on Jul. 11, 2013

  • Just be yourself and know that sometimes it hurts when she can't share in the pregnancy talk. I guess just try and be sensitive to her pain. I'm one of those people who miscarried twice and never was able to have a baby (adopted my daughter). It's one of those things that still makes me sad inside myself that I'll never experience pregnancy or childbirth - but it is a burden I carry inside and don't let anyone know.

    Answer by KarenT214 at 2:55 PM on Jul. 14, 2013

  • Well, just an update but amazingly a day or two after I posted this I was able to be the one to tell her that she is pregnant!!! She took a test and I looked at it for her and it was positive. It wa such a special moment that I will never forget. She's 5 weeks and will hear the heartbeat at her next appointment <3

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:20 AM on Jul. 20, 2013

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