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My 16 year old thinks that it is ok to do what ever she wants and is hiding things from us

I am a step mom to a 16 year old girl and I am not sure what to do she comes and goes as she pleases even if we ground her she just leaves the house when ever she wants she doesnt listen to rules or curfews. We have given her all of the love attention and the material things and she has no remorse for her actions she doesn't seem to care that we are worried about her and she wont talk to anyone and she is so stubborn that disciplining doesn't work because she doesn't care what anyone thinks or does. She will just leave and not come home we are more worried then mad

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worriedstep

Asked by worriedstep at 9:49 AM on Jul. 12, 2013 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • We have given her all of ... the material things
    take all her shit away and have dad man up and stand up to the brat

    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 10:00 AM on Jul. 12, 2013

  • Yeah, that just doesn't fly. That girl would have no freedoms, no "material" things & would be spending her free time doing chores & looking for a job. She is not grown yet, so therefore, she is your responsibility for another 2 yrs. You still have time to help mold her into a responsible human being before she is old enough to do as she pleases. Then again, being 18, doesn't give her free reign either. There are boot camp type programs for teens if she won't shape up. GL
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 10:10 AM on Jul. 12, 2013

  • Family counseling.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 10:10 AM on Jul. 12, 2013

  • Yeah, um, if you take her keys, phone and computer she has no way to leave the house by any means. Take her bedroom door off of it's frame if she can't be trusted. If she is taking your car without permission report it as stolen. If she leaves the house without saying anything and is gone for 24 hours with no contact report her as a runaway.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 AM on Jul. 12, 2013

  • If she leaves the house without saying anything and is gone for 24 hours with no contact report her as a runaway.

    In my area you can file the report immediately.
    I do live in a small town- but the cops were very helpful and when we found out a phone number that she was at they had her home an hour later- delivered her to my doorstep and gave her a long lecture.

    She's not walked off since.
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 11:34 AM on Jul. 12, 2013

  • Thank you everyone the thing is we have already taken her door off completely cancelled her cell phone and taken away all privileges but because we are both working full time over the summer we cannot be home to ensure that she stays home. Her dad does step up to her but he is not sure what to do because she is so stubborn she will not come home at all ever she will just keep running. He is a wonderful dad and stands his ground when he needs to. She doesn't appreciate anything we do for her and if we take it all away we loose her. I dont know about you guys but I don't want to loose her at all we have tried counseling she refuses to talk about anything.
    worriedstep

    Comment by worriedstep (original poster) at 12:09 PM on Jul. 12, 2013

  • You can talk. You & your husband could talk to a counselor, lay it all out, describe sample interactions (what she did or what happened, what you said in response, how she responded to that, what you did/said next), unload your feelings, worries & frustrations.
    If therapy is going to make a difference in YOUR life & interactions, it is not really contingent on HER talking to a counselor or being helped, but rather on something shifting, changing & improving in your home. This, in turn, will directly help your teen.
    The family is an emotional system. Things are happening in a context, and they happen/occur in relationship.
    When you get some empathy, support & some feedback that helps you to be more flexible & constructive when you face situations with your stepdaughter, it will help things overall, including helping her.
    Behavior is a symptom or signal of an internal emotional reality. Just as a cough/fever reflects an illness.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 2:04 PM on Jul. 12, 2013

  • She doesn't appreciate anything we do for her and if we take it all away we loose her.

    loose her to WHAT exactly? She is a minor. She can't just leave and never come back with out consequences. You are trying to hard to be her friend. You are not your child's friend. It is your job to keep her safe and teacher her what she needs to know to live on her own as a responsible adult. Watch a few episodes of 'world's Strictest Parent's' I tell you what- they are tougher than me and their kids love and respect them!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:03 PM on Jul. 12, 2013

  • This again falls into the category of her childhood, was she reprimanded then and had a set of rules to go by? if she did and is still doing this, defiance is a battle for all teens, or most of them at least......you keep enforcing and enforcing your rules, until she gets it! and if she didn't have discipline as a child this is what you get...
    older

    Answer by older at 8:45 AM on Jul. 13, 2013

  • My daughter is the same way, but all u have to do is be patient with her. how bout u set a curfew that is reasonable for the both of u how bout 10:00
    DaCs500

    Answer by DaCs500 at 5:13 PM on Jul. 15, 2013

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