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3 Bumps

How do I get through to a 12 year old girl keep away from the bad crowds?

My 12 year old daughter has certain friends that are disrespectful and unsupervised. I moved away from them but they attend the same school. I have taken her phone away to discourage the social networking yet they always find a way to socialize. One girl in particular lives with her Dad only who works overnight and leaves her to her own devices and she is way out if control. I have tried talking to her only to be cursed at. I have spoken to the dad who blames the Mom for not being around & will not modify his daughters behavior. I have told my daughter repeatedly to avoid the girl but the girl approaches her at school and on the school bus. I don't want this to end up as a bullying situation as I can see this kid harming my daughter because she likes the attention from the other kids because she isn't getting any from home. I used to let this girl spend the night at my house but had to end that. I don't know what else to do.

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MichelleBobbie

Asked by MichelleBobbie at 4:05 PM on Jul. 12, 2013 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Call CPS. The girl should not be left alone over night at that age without supervision. I would also enroll your Daughter in extracurricular activities this way she'll ride another bus & make new friends. If she does get bullied then call the Principal & have the school address the issue. Make it clear to the Principal that you do not want your daughter in a class with this girl either.
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 4:09 PM on Jul. 12, 2013

  • you can't stop them from seeing one another and unless there have been threats or something, the school isn't gonna do anything at all either.

    What I would do, is sit down with your daughter- maybe go to luch or something and chat. Talk about how this girl has some issues and really needs a parent around and how she is very possibly headed for more trouble and that you don't want her to drag your daughter down with her. Talk about true friendship, talk about how the people you hange around with can affect your life, drama, trouble, drugs...whatever, and that you want to see her stay our of those kinds of situations, and how she should always try to surround herself with people who have less of those issues.

    I would not take her phone in an attempt to get her to stop, she has done nothing wrong. Just talk, and then a week from now keep talking...3 months from now, talk some more....

    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 4:12 PM on Jul. 12, 2013

  • I did that with mine, and at 19 and 17, they have gotten into almost no real trouble. I mean there has been drama, but no real PROBLEMS
    no drug or alcohol issues, no sneaking out or sneaking around, no stealing or causing fights or anything
    they have ended up good kids

    I think this girl has a chance to be one too, but a parent or someone is going to have to step up and help guide her
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 4:14 PM on Jul. 12, 2013

  • I would get her involved with Girl Scouts, or Camp Fire Girls. Groups that do volunteer work look REALLY good on college applications. I just went through this last year with my son, and all the applications were looking for proof that you help out in your community. My son even got a scholarship for all his community work. I would enroll her in extracurricular activities so she wouldn't have time to get into trouble. If you attend a church, get her involves in the youth group at the church. Find ways to get her to find other friends. Telling her you don't like her friend is going to be like forbidden fruit.

    musicmaker

    Answer by musicmaker at 4:50 PM on Jul. 12, 2013

  • You can't be there for everything, so you should focus more on instilling the proper values in her so that she can make good decisions on her own. The more you attack the friendship, the more she will want it. I would supplement her with a group of good friends, maybe from a church, hobby, sports, theater or volunteer group. This expands her options so that she doesn't feel the need to keep that friendship with the bad influence anymore b/c she'll be too busy with better friends. When I was younger, I used to hang out with a few people who weren't bad at first but then turned bad. I made the decision myself that I just didn't want to deal w/their drama anymore & it was easier to break it off when I had other options. Volunteering will keep her busy and instill good values in her. Look into a Big Sister program if available in your area. Good luck!
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 1:35 AM on Jul. 13, 2013

  • 12 year olds shouldn't have phones in my opinion. Many kids live without it. Sometimes, sitting down and just scaring them a bit with reality can help. What I mean by this is, explain that things are tough with your job and the economy and unless she helps out more, you might lose the house or something like that. It might help her prioritize what's important in her life. Maybe you are poor and maybe you are not, but growing up not having much helps people to appreciate things more. I know some parents that stash away money and act poor so they're kids don't get spoiled. The money gets saved for college instead. It doesn't hurt to give them a taste of real life. One of my family members used to be like your daughter & that strategy worked for her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:45 AM on Jul. 13, 2013

  • Getting your daughter involved with after-school activities might work, and maybe even suggesting to the dad that he do the same with his daughter, so she isn't just running amok all the time. Perhaps he doesn't know what to do besides blaming the mom. It might be good for both of the girls to get interested in a club or sport.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 5:13 AM on Jul. 15, 2013

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