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4 Bumps

**UNPDATE** I am so emberassed about my son. I almost want his gf to leave him.

My son has been dating this girl for 3 years now, I love her, she is great. Six months ago we found out that she is pregnant, I am over the moon about it, this is my first grandchild, and its a girl, I never had a daughter.
Anyways they are both 21. When she got pregnant, he moved into her house, she inherited it 2 years ago when her parents died. He has a full time job, but he only pays for his phone and car insurance, he doesn't help her with any other bills. I've talked to her about it, she said that she tried to talk to him about paying more, but he never has any money left. I tried talking to him, and he says the same thing.
So, today I decided to stop by their home and bring them some stuff I bought for the baby. I am driving up and I see her, mowing the lawn. In my mind I was thinking "why the hell is she mowing the lawn, its 95 degrees out and my son is off work today" She invited me in and I see my son playing video games, I wanted to slap him. When she was out of the room, I confronted him on all of his behavior. And he has the nerve to tell me " I don't like yard work, I never chose a house with a yard, if I had the choice, we wouldn't live here".
I drove home in tears, I was so embarrassed for him. That girl does all the work in this house. I called her and tried to talk to her, she said that she is very upset that he is acting this way, and that she would leave him if she wasn't pregnant, she doesn't want her baby without a father.
When I got home I asked DH, to go take our son to lunch or something and knock some sense into him, not physically of course. He is still out.
I am so heartbroken, because honestly, she would be better off without him.
I guess no question, just vent.

UPDATE

First of all, thank you ladies for your advice. While DH was out with DS, I went to go have a heart to heart with GF. She said that she has been fighting with him about it for a while. And didn't think anyone noticed. She plans on giving him an ultimatum, he has one month to start pitching in, she set aside bills that will be his responsibility. She doesn't have a mortgage, she payed off the home with some of the money left to her and she just pays property taxes. So she set aside about 35% of bills that he will be responsible for and half of all groceries or she will kick him out. I told her I fully support her decision, and asked to be in the life of my grandbaby if it came to that, she said she would never keep the baby from me and that I have been like a mom to her since hers passed away. Made me cry

She also told me that this is out of principal, she doesn't really NEED his help, she makes very good money running the company her grandparents started. which was passed on to her mom, and now to her. And he doesn't know how much she makes, or how much the bills are, which are not much, she lives very modestly and makes good decisions with money.

I just hope evrything works out and he doesn't have a hissy fit. She is an amazing girl, and right now, he doesn't desrve her, I hate to say that about my own son.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:49 PM on Jul. 13, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (19)
  • It doesn't sound like an awful idea to physically knock some sense into him.

    He sounds like a jackass.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 9:52 PM on Jul. 13, 2013

  • It sounds like he has gotten comfortable being taken care of by her.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 9:55 PM on Jul. 13, 2013

  • Finally, a normal concerned anon!

    OP, I would feel the same way but my reaction would have been much worst than yours!
    There would have been words exchanged that even the Military wouldn't appreciate!
    I hope your husband can get through to him.
    I know how heart broken you must be. That would hurt my heart too if it were one of my sons.
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 9:59 PM on Jul. 13, 2013

  • Once the baby is here he might just surprise you by changing his ways. I've seen it happen and keep you hopes up that he just might change...kids sometimes do that to you. One thing is for sure-the baby will a wonderful grandma! Your husband should also keep talking to him as much as possible.
    Annasofia

    Answer by Annasofia at 10:00 PM on Jul. 13, 2013

  • Annasofia, I really hope so.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:04 PM on Jul. 13, 2013

  • If I would have walked in there and saw him playing video games I would have slapped him! Told him to get the hell outside and be a fucking man.
    Sounds like he's taking a free ride. The house is hers, he pays his expenses and does nothing else. I'd ask him if he really even loves her?
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 10:25 PM on Jul. 13, 2013

  • This is going to sound harsh. But if this young woman was to come online to this site, I'd be telling her this:

    "Your baby ALREADY doesn't have a father. And you are not living with a man. Donating sperm does not make one a father. Putting a mother-to-be in a risky position makes one far LESS than a man. Worm comes to mind, but from what you describe I think LEECH is more appropriate.

    "And you don't need a leech. Kick his butt to the curb till he grows some responsibility."

    I hope your husband knocks some sense into him.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:03 PM on Jul. 13, 2013

  • I would tell my son that you fully support his gf kicking him out of the house and if she does he won't be coming home so he'd better be ready to fully support himself and pay child support. Then stick to it
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 12:20 AM on Jul. 14, 2013

  • This guy is a real jerk, and I think the GF allows herself to be taken for a ride. She needs to stand up for her self and her baby and not allow him to abuse her, this not good for the baby. You are a great mother standing up to your son and telling him the truth, he needs to grow up and be a man for his family. I hope his father takes a stand against his behavior. Wish you all the best on the out come.
    jessegirl64

    Answer by jessegirl64 at 12:51 AM on Jul. 14, 2013

  • I'm glad you and her have a good repoire. I would HATE missing out on seeing my grandbaby!
    Hopefully your son gets his head in the game and takes on the responsibilities he should.
    He was raised right, so hopefully this is a wake up call!

    I completely agree with Nimue, if she kicks him out, don't take him in and enable him. Time for him to grow up!

    Hugs to you!
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 12:54 AM on Jul. 14, 2013

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