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Should grandma butt in?

My sister lives with our parents. Her 3 yr old and 16 month old also live there. Her husband, who is military, visits each weekend. My BIL has a harsh way of dealing with his kids and my mom takes it upon herself to butt in. Ex: the 3 yr old did something his dad didn't like and was getting punished by harsh words and being removed from the room. My mom told my BIL to stop treating the boy like that and picked him up and refused to hand him back to my BIL.

I think she should stay out of it. So does my dad & sister. She is simply creating conflict. My BIL is harsher than we are used to but it's how he chooses to handle his kids.


Asked by Anonymous at 2:29 AM on Jul. 14, 2013 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • If they were living in my home & he only came on the weekends & was verbally abusive & hostile with the children, I would step in & have a big talk with the "Boy". That is what he is actually. He has no clue of how to raise a child & he is applying his Military mentality to his small children & most likely his wife too. Unacceptable. I would sit down & have a big talk with him & explain how to handle a situation with the kids. He has no experience & is overcompensating for the lack of. He may have a lot of stress with his work & has no patience left. Too Bad on him, time to grow up.

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 9:36 AM on Jul. 14, 2013

  • She should not contradict the father (unless the child is being physically harmed). She is undermining his authority.

    Answer by goldpandora at 3:34 AM on Jul. 14, 2013

  • It may be her house, but it's his kid. Unless he's abusing the kid, she needs to stay out of it. Providing someone with a place to stay does not give you the right to tell them how to raise their children. And if it really bothers her so much the way he treats his kids, then she should ask them to move out.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:33 AM on Jul. 14, 2013

  • Since they are living in her home, she has a right to say what does and does not fly in her home. HOWEVER, it is not only her home but her husband's home and her thinks she should but out. In that case I agree, the parents should handle it.

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:48 AM on Jul. 14, 2013

  • Mom can make it clear what language is allowed in her home. But she should not butt in with his parenting. His wife might talk to him about turning down his harshness.

    Answer by silverthreads at 7:51 AM on Jul. 14, 2013

  • If I had my daughter and son in law living with me I would set ground rules for them. In my home we do not spank, hit, or scream at children. If you want to select that way to punish then move out. Simple. I won't correct you because I will be too busy throwing your belongings out of my house. Problem solved.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:16 AM on Jul. 14, 2013

  • Her home, her rules.
    Why isn't he providing a home for his family? Then he can rule the roost and make his own rules! Until then, he can shut the fuck up.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 11:24 AM on Jul. 14, 2013

  • I am with MIL of course.It isher house. She can but in. They can move out if they do not like how she is acting. Her butting in.

    Answer by louise2 at 7:27 AM on Jul. 14, 2013

  • She would have no right to do so if they were on their own, but this is bound to happen living in her house.

    Answer by older at 7:33 AM on Jul. 14, 2013

  • I think she would be wise to find another way to handle her valid feelings about those interactions, rather than responding as she has been, which is not constructive. She would not be wrong to express her concern & her opinions/reactions to your sister & BIL (with the understanding that this is how to respond to her feelings, not with expectations as to their response), and she certainly is not wrong for feeling uncomfortable & disliking what is happening, but trying to force things/control the situation as she is, is basically proceeding in the same manner he is.
    Conflict is inevitable & it is happening in the situation! She's not "creating" it, but rather handling it or navigating it poorly. The conflict exists because some people are uncomfortable or experience distress with the way BIL proceeds when he handles conflict situations with his 3 year old child.
    These sound like very basic problems around communication/control.

    Answer by girlwithC at 8:25 AM on Jul. 14, 2013