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2 Bumps

SAHM versus the SAHD

I need opinions on this. We all see a lot of posts on here about SAHM complaining about the husband not pulling his weight around the house. Well, I grew up in a home where my dad went to work and came home and mom did everything in the home. Most of my adult life has been both of us working so I figured everything would be 50-50 but we all know most of the house stuff still falls on the woman. What if it is the man who is at home? Who do you think should be responsible for what? What are the roles? Our society is shifting in this direction more and more to include my household for the past almost 2 years and it is a struggle. What are your thoughts?

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Asked by cat1622 at 3:43 PM on Jul. 15, 2013 in Parenting Debate

Level 9 (357 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • I think whoever is home should do the bulk of the cleaning. I also think that everyone should pitch in and help with the housework. Keeping the house clean is a big job for any ONE person to take on, everyone needs to work together. If someone is home all day though, then they should have more responsibility for the housework. It doesn't matter who is home, mom or dad, either one is just as capable as the other.

    Answer by kmath at 3:54 PM on Jul. 15, 2013

  • When I didn't work, I didn't mind doing all the house work. And some of the yard work. But now that we both work, I want him to help out around the house. Even though it doesn't happen. He does cook.

    Answer by louise2 at 3:57 PM on Jul. 15, 2013

  • I think it's whatever works for the couple. My ex was a flight attendant and I was a SAHM. He was gone for 10 days/month but still did most of the housework. He's a neat freak and enjoys cleaning. I did most of the kids stuff - bathing, dressing, diapering, etc and kept them busy. It worked.
    Now I'm a SAHM with a husband that works 45-55 hrs/week and I do almost all the indoor household stuff, the yard is his domain. It works.
    We've talked about switching roles at one point and him staying home. I would expect him to do as much as I do now if that ever happened but since he's not used to it, that would probably need to be talked about at length.

    Answer by missanc at 3:58 PM on Jul. 15, 2013

  • I am currently a SAHM and I do all of the cleaning in the house, tend to all the animals and even help cut the field (10 acres). Since we have so much land, I don't mind running the tractor, I get some peace and quiet and a tan :) When I was working, my dh would help pick up around the house and wash dishes.

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 3:58 PM on Jul. 15, 2013

  • If the roles were reversed I would except the same thing out of him. But I have told him. If the house is not clean enough for him. He knows how to clean.

    Answer by louise2 at 4:02 PM on Jul. 15, 2013

  • the parent staying home, imo, should do the bulk of the 'house work' but it doesn't meant the working parent never has to lift a finger.

    Answer by But_Mommie at 4:13 PM on Jul. 15, 2013

  • If the man is the stay at home father it means that he is taking the role of the person who tends to the matters of the children and the home. Certainly the family will decide what each will do to contribute and that will vary for the family unit. When I was first married it was expected that the man do the lawn mowing and things of that nature. My DH was never a 9-5 kind of guy and sometime would be at work 18 hours or more straight. He is always on call and always has been.
    He mowed when he could and that included when he had the energy, I picked it up when he wasn't there or just plain exhausted. He helped in more of a pick up sort of way. Such as dish washing or picking up toys etc. He was always with the kids and me when he was home. It worked for us. It is not a matter of "fair" It is a matter of both working for the same goals.

    Answer by Dardenella at 4:30 PM on Jul. 15, 2013

  • My boyfriend and I both work. Since I work from home, it used to be that a lot of the house stuff fell on me. I still do almost all of the cooking and kitchen clean-up, but my boyfriend has gotten better about pitching in with cleaning. The reason is simple. He was always complaining that I didn't have time or energy left for him by the end of the day. I told him that if he wanted me to be less worn out and more likely to entertain the idea of intimacy, I needed help. I could spend my energy vacuuming, or I could spend it meeting his needs, but I wouldn't always have enough for both. Simple trade-off. Amazing how much of a motivator that was.

    Answer by Ballad at 4:36 PM on Jul. 15, 2013

  • I have always been a stay at home mom, even now that my kids are grown up, my house would fall apart because I am the one that keeps it filled with all the stuff we use, and the food we eat....but the cleaning my husband has decided he is much better at, and I have to agree, so he does it doesn't matter who stays home or not, you and your hubby should split it and whoever has more time should do the bulk of it.

    Answer by older at 4:37 PM on Jul. 15, 2013

  • I think if a parent, of either gender, is a stay at home parent (and by sah, I mean does not work for money), I think they should be the one to do *most* of the housekeeping and child tending. Not necessarily all, but the major bulk of it. I think the working parent should still help out some, even if it's just making sure their dirty clothes end up in the hamper, taking their dishes to the sink, hanging up their towel and throwing away their trash.

    If both parents work outside the home, then they should share housekeeping and child tending as equally as possible for their situation.

    If a parent works from home, then they need to figure out what works for them. I'm home all day, so some think I should be cleaning all the time, but I work from home, so I'm working. I do clean, but I don't feel that (if I weren't a single mom, of course) that I should have to take all the responsibility myself.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 6:30 PM on Jul. 15, 2013

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