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Visitation drop offs

My ex texted me and asked me from now on when he comes can he pick up our son at my house. I told him no our CO says police station because when he is around me or we talk he is known for verbally abusing me and swearing at me. At the police station he doesn't do that. If he wasn't verbally abusive I would let him come to my house.

Also when he comes to my house he is never on time for drop offs and pick ups. I did compromise with him though. He said 9am was to early for a pick up so I asked him what time works for him and he said 10 so I agreed changing it to 10. He cannot even make it on time for that. Also he never brings him back on time he always shuts his phone off when he has our son. So also the police station fixes all those issues.

Opinions? Did I do the right thing by saying no?

Answer Question

Asked by AAP1988 at 6:41 AM on Jul. 16, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 5 (67 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • You absolutely did the right thing. Don't bend the rules for him or you will never get him to follow the CO. In any case, what is the point in having a CO if you don't stick to it.

    Good for you! More power to ya!

    Answer by goldpandora at 6:55 AM on Jul. 16, 2013

  • Yes, you did the right thing. If the CO says at the police station, then you do it at the police station. If you start relaxing on things that are in the CO, you make it harder to prove that he's violating it, if he ever does. For example, you let him come to the house, he starts verbally abusing you, so you tell him no more coming to the house but he does anyway, you go to court for contempt because of it, he tells the judge you let him come to the house...he may still get in trouble for the verbal abuse, but he may not be in trouble for coming to the house, since you allowed it. I'd stick to exactly what the court order says. If he wants something different, then he can file a motion with the court to change it, and argue his case with a judge.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:14 AM on Jul. 16, 2013

  • Well about the turning off his phone when he has the child. Do the same thing to him. Tell him you will be where you are supose to be for drop offs and pick ups. But any other time do not contact me. Tell him only emails.

    Answer by louise2 at 8:14 AM on Jul. 16, 2013

  • Based on your earlier questions, this seems odd to me:

    1. In another post you say you cannot drive and it is imperative that your ex pick up your son.
    2. In another post you say that you invite your ex to all your son's events but he never shows up. If you can only meet him at a police station, why would you invite him to other places?
    3. In another post you say your ex is a bad parent because he cancels his visitation regularly and "never contacts" your son

    I guess I'm just trying to figure out what the real story is here. Half the time you infer that he rarely sees your child and the other half of the time you're complaining about the mechanics in place that would allow him to see his child.

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 8:22 AM on Jul. 16, 2013

  • PS: I am also aware that this will be your cue to add a large amount of detail that wasn't in the original post. I look forward to that.

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 8:23 AM on Jul. 16, 2013

  • Her posts have me wondering too, Mrs. Prissy.

    Answer by feralxat at 8:38 AM on Jul. 16, 2013

  • agree with Mrs_prissy


    Answer by virginiamama71 at 9:03 AM on Jul. 16, 2013

  • You did the right thing. You are abiding by the court order and he needs to do the same or give up visitation completely.

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 9:11 AM on Jul. 16, 2013

  • Mrs_Prissy to answer your questions:

    1.Yes he picks up our son at the police station thats what I mean by picking up. My parents drive me to the police station for exchanges.
    2. I invite him to events because it has to do with my son, we don't have to sit together.
    3. He does cancel quite a bit. And he isn't a good parent I think he has potential to be a wonderful parent that is the sad thing.

    Comment by AAP1988 (original poster) at 9:33 AM on Jul. 16, 2013

  • keep police station as neutral pick up drop /off place

    Answer by fiatpax at 9:36 AM on Jul. 16, 2013

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