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Am I wrong for just wanting to feel needed by my teen daughter and young adult son as well as by my husband?

My husband does everything for our 15 & 20 yr. olds and he is great at it. He is their trainer, coach, laundry man and will even make all of the meals! I am left with only dinnertime, so I make that. I even try to hang out at their training sessions by running. I love my kids and appreciate his fathering skills. But I feel worthless, and unnecessary as a mother most of the time because he leaves no room for me.

Answer Question
 
tugofwar

Asked by tugofwar at 12:53 PM on Jul. 16, 2013 in Relationships

Level 3 (14 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Has it always been this way?
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 12:57 PM on Jul. 16, 2013

  • It is not wrong to feel that way - it may even get worse, as they pull away with their own lives. You might have to deal with the empty nest syndrome.
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 12:59 PM on Jul. 16, 2013

  • Probably not wrong, I'd call it normal. Have you communicated your feelings to your husband? Maybe he can help you find some ways to participate.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 1:01 PM on Jul. 16, 2013

  • Don't you have any one on one mom time with your daughter? Shopping trips, pedicures, girl talk?
    What activities do you do as a family?
    You're cooking dinner, but then what about dinnertime conversation? Are you somehow excluded in that?
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:14 PM on Jul. 16, 2013

  • I thank you all of your feedback. I do pull my daughter away, we go for treats or watch movies together. She is a lot like me when it comes to friends. When she is not training and she only trains with her father and his male teams then she is home alone or with me. When I am not working, I rarely hang out with friends because I do not want to have less time with my kids. I always ask if she wants to invite a friend over and I can take them out but she just says "Naaay." They just spend so much time training and he sets the schedule. They love it don't get me wrong. I guess the time I have is what it is so i should at least be the happy face in the room instead of the sour puss, right?
    tugofwar

    Comment by tugofwar (original poster) at 2:17 PM on Jul. 16, 2013

  • Training for what? The Olympics? I mean, how much time do they spend training?
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 2:25 PM on Jul. 16, 2013

  • Knowing you are there for them & want to be there & spend time with them means a lot. Being in the stands cheering them on is important too. But I also agree with Ballad about working out a plan with your husb. to help you feel more involved. GL
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 2:28 PM on Jul. 16, 2013

  • I doubt it is as bad as you say unless you opted out of the cozy girl talks and getting nails done and hair styles and boys
    Do you not make time to have chats with your son, maybe go out to dinner just the two of you?
    Why is it the way it is and what can you do to improve the time you have together?
    I can't answer these because I do not know the situation, but you do. Think of what you can do. I you want to do the laundry, say so. I personally taught my kids to do laundry early on though I still did most of it.
    I taught the kids to cook and to clean, as well. I was there to do it and my husband wasn't.
    He still would take one or the other to "go get a coke" and chat.
    Or toss a ball or talk cars and boys and computers and shoot 'em up games.
    There is time for everyone, if you want there to be.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:49 PM on Jul. 16, 2013

  • No, you are not wrong. Every parent wants to help their children or should. There is no way that is wrong, but maybe he would let you get involved with him if you share this with him. Also you can make a set time to spend doing something with your kids right? Just make it involve something both you and the kid likes and spend a little time together that way.
    steviof3

    Answer by steviof3 at 3:40 PM on Jul. 16, 2013

  • Yes I agree with Dardenella.
    morebee7

    Answer by morebee7 at 1:28 AM on Jul. 20, 2013

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