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my husband dislikes my children( his step children). my children do not like him. how can i help them get along without going crazy myself?

Heis always correcting them...never speaks to them unless giving direction or correcting....they do not speak to him unless spoken to...theystay in their room when he is home. He says they have no respect for him and act like he dosent exist in the house...they say they dont like him and he is mean....he is 43 they are 14 and teenagers.

Answer Question
 
turnipgreen

Asked by turnipgreen at 9:15 PM on Jul. 16, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Why would you marry a man who doesn't get along with your children? This should have been taken care of before the wedding. You can always try family counseling.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 9:17 PM on Jul. 16, 2013

  • Did they meet and get to know each other before marriage?
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 9:17 PM on Jul. 16, 2013

  • They did meet before the marriage. The boys father and i divorced and he did not want the divorce...when i met my husband now my ex created problems and didnt want the boys to like him...he told them that if my new husband wasnt there then we could get back together. My new husband tried to win the boys over at first . But after continued rejection he gave up...now he feels they are disrespectful and lazy...i do not see it that wY..i think they are typical 14yr old boys...but they are sometimes short in their answers to my husband because of their dislike for him and they think he is mean.
    turnipgreen

    Comment by turnipgreen (original poster) at 9:28 PM on Jul. 16, 2013

  • how can i help them get along without going crazy myself?
    family counseling
    if anybody refuses to go, divorce atty
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 9:38 PM on Jul. 16, 2013

  • I would have an intervention with him in regards to your children being part of a package deal and what are his pet peeves so they can be expressed...Once you work out the situation with the DH then it is time to address the children....together and lay down some rules and open the door of communication....Best wishes
    hau_siyoka

    Answer by hau_siyoka at 9:51 PM on Jul. 16, 2013

  • Di you not have of these feelings before you got married?
    Do you discuss their behavior and the rules that they (and you) will abide by in your home?
    I would not allow them to run to their rooms. That is me.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 10:21 PM on Jul. 16, 2013

  • Have you tried asking your husband to stop correcting your children, first of all, and then maybe to speak to them for other reasons besides giving orders? Maybe if he takes his focus off of fixing them, they'll not see him as mean and he'll see something besides their perceived faults.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:30 AM on Jul. 17, 2013

  • I think you need to talk to them separately. Firstly, a long talk with your sons about there not being a snowball's chance in Hades of you getting back with their father and that your husband has nothing to do with your divorce. Also, remind them that they can have a good time with him or a miserable time with him and that they're free to choose whichever they prefer. Then you sit your husband down on his own and tell him what you have just said to your sons. Point out that he only ever seems to be getting on their case these days but that you understand why however it would be nice if he made an effort to go back to how he was in the early days. Then remind him that he can have a good time or a miserable time with them and that the choice is up to him.

    Give it a couple of weeks - prod and tweak and remind as necessary - and if nothing changes, well ... counselling would be your last hope.

    Good luck!
    goldpandora

    Answer by goldpandora at 1:20 AM on Jul. 17, 2013

  • Some of the girls hit the nail on the head with there answers .
    There are a few ways to answer this . 1 why would you marry someone that admittedly tells you that he doesn't like your kids?
    But on the other hand I know how teenagers think , well because we all were one at one time ....Testing boundries... Step Parenting is a whole another job in itself. He could find better ways to get onto them..... Its putting you directly in the middle just sounds like its time for a good ole come too jesus meeting....
    Gypsyd

    Answer by Gypsyd at 1:26 AM on Jul. 17, 2013

  • My suggestion is that you all participate in family counseling and get all the issues everyone has out there in the open and discuss them. A family therapist would be able to help you all to work on the issues, and find ways to work things out and become more of a family unit than people who barely tolerate each other. Good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 10:19 AM on Jul. 17, 2013

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