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2 Bumps

Give me your opinion....

I am 30 years old and am married with one 2 year old! I share a very close relationship with my mother, so anytime I'm not sure about things I should do with my son I call her and ask for her opinion. OPINION, doesnt mean i always take it, ,and yes, sometimes it's for things that are small that I probably could make a decision on my own, but I look up to my mother very much and respect her opinion very much! My husband says that I'm a big girl and need to stop asking her for her opinion so much...I think he's right, part of me says she's my mom and I value her opinion and she would never steer me wrong, plus it's just easier to be given advice than scarily have to decide on your own and maybe making the wrong decision. The other half is "damn girl, grow up and make these decisions on your own, you need to be a confident woman and mother"! I feel like my confidence as a mother is not where it should be because I know I can rely on my mothers advice...I don't like this feeling like this but I am torn. Honest opinion is gladly accepted!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:08 AM on Jul. 17, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • That's what moms are for.
    If you can't change a diaper without asking her first, then It's a problem.
    If you just like to chat everyday, that's normal. I was closer to my mom when my son was smaller. There are lots of milestones to share, etc. once he's bigger you'll see you won't need her advice on as much stuff.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 10:14 AM on Jul. 17, 2013

  • I call my mom or grandma all the time, too. I think there's a difference in wanting to include them or needing advice on, say, a fever or something, and not being able to parent yourself AT ALL, you know? Whole villages used to team together to raise children, and now we're pretty much left on our own. It's normal to need some form of support and advice. It's actually NOT normal not to have it ;)
    bandgeek521

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 10:18 AM on Jul. 17, 2013

  • Normal unless you cannot make ANY decision without your Mother telling you what to do. Like you said you ask "OPINION, doesnt mean i always take it, "
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 10:41 AM on Jul. 17, 2013

  • I call my mom a lot too. Sometimes to vent sometimes to ask opinions. There's nothing "wrong" with it. Unless like PGA said you can't change a diaper on your own.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 10:43 AM on Jul. 17, 2013

  • You are never too old to lean on your mother. If you can handle these situations on your own if it came down to it, which is sounds like you can, thats all that matters. You are fine. Its great that you have a such a great relationship with your mom.
    mlmsm928

    Answer by mlmsm928 at 11:13 AM on Jul. 17, 2013

  • The only thing I notice is that you say you sometimes even call her for minor things, but also that your husband says you should stop, and that maybe he's right but you feel differently. It kind of sounds like you're insecure in your power to make a decision, even if someone else disagrees. Of course, I'm only going based on this one post, I'm not in your life so I could be getting it wrong. But that's what kind of stood out to me: that it seems like maybe you call your mother for validation of what you want to do, or that if someone disagrees with you (like your hubby saying you should stop calling her), you second guess yourself.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 1:49 PM on Jul. 17, 2013

  • If you listen to her over what he has to say then he has a complaint. Otherwise, that is what mothers or other experience women are for. Support and guidance.

    Think of it this way. if you were going to invent something, you would have an idea of where you want to end up and you have some idea of how to get there but you would do research to (hopefully) find out what already has been done, tried and whether it worked or failed. You would not start at square one, blindfolded, unless you absolutely had no other choice.

    Same with his job. He did not go and start at square one to discover the whole process. Someone was there to give him some guidance. He sifted through what everyone said/ advised and made his own choices. Hopefully that is what you do also.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:40 PM on Jul. 17, 2013

  • Honestly, if you have a relationship with your mom that allows you to ask for advice, share milestones, and chat about your kid, live it up! As long as it isn't crippling you by inhibiting your ability to make snap decisions when you really need to, don't worry about it. I'd give anything to have someone in my life like that. My mom and I are estranged and pretty much have been since I left home after high school. I didn't miss her too much till I had a baby, but then it was like there was this hole nobody else but a mom could feel. I'm wondering why it matters to your husband so much.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 3:30 PM on Jul. 17, 2013

  • Be glad and blessed that you have that kind of relationship with your mom, this is rare and wonderful, it does not mean you are less of a woman or mother, it means you have a relationship that a lot of people miss out on. Tell hubby that he does not understand a mother and daughter bond, I have it with my daughters, and at 34 and 35 years old, they still call me when they travel just to let me know they arrived ok...I do not demand it but they know I worry and they do this just to ease my mind..does this make them less of an independent woman, no, it makes them considerate of me!!!!
    older

    Answer by older at 8:07 PM on Jul. 17, 2013

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