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How do you deal with "Mom Guilt"?

I feel guilty when Autumn cries and we are in the car. I almost feel like I shouldnt have gone out. I feel bad when she is crying while I shower. Etc! Do you feel like this and how do you deal with it?

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Asked by BunintheOven1 at 2:12 PM on Feb. 18, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (6)
  • You finally learn (as I had to!) that they learn very quickly that crying is the best way to get your attention. Kaylee cried for probably 2 months when I was in the shower, and I asked a very similar question on here about what I should do, and almost unanimously mom's told me that so long as I know she is safe and OK, then I need to tune her out and take my shower. The same applies to can not put your life on hold because your child might cry.

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 2:16 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • 1) That's not guilt. You have to go somewhere and unless you have a scooter w/a baby seat, the car is the way to go. Guilt should be saved for special occasions like sneaking the last of the Halloween candy.

    2) You deal with it by singing to yourself, humming, talking out loud to a double/triple check of her carseat to make sure it's safe and sound. When she can turn around it will be easier.


    Answer by Wimsey at 2:16 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • Hehe. i know this feeling. Its normal to feel this way. But dont call it "guilt". It just means you have to get used to the fact, that you have things to do for yourself too. I used to put our DD in her playpen when i had to take a shower or when i had to take the trash out or whatever.

    Now, where our DD is almost 20months old she will still get a little upset when i have to use the bathroom. She runs after me and says "mamaaaa mamaa" and when she is about to start crying then i will let her know that mommy has to poop and it stinks and she wouldnt like being in there. then she is holding her nose and says "eeewww" and runs off :D then she is smiling again ;) Its just too funny.

    Dont forget that your little one will test you all the time.. so if you say "aww i cant hear you cry. just come with mommy".. then you will never be able to take a shower until your little one is asleep :P

    Answer by m.robertson811 at 2:26 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • Agreed. Keep in mind that babies are very sensitive to your feelings...especially as they get older. If you can't stay calm, there is no hope for them (this goes for kids too). If you're feeling guilty and stressed...they'll just keep crying. Even if you're feeling guilty/stressed/whatever, you have to walk away confidently. and act like there is no reason in the world for them to be upset and eventually, they might follow your lead. Good Luck!

    Answer by ANGIE409 at 2:49 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • yes..i find that if i am going to take a shower or bath i place aiden in his bouncy chair and take him into the bahrom with me. this seems to sooth him for 10-15 while i get clean. when we are in the car i try and gage ok he just ate i have a/b 2 hrs before he will eat again etc. i try and feed before we get into the car(since this is really the only time he cries) if i find that he is alseep and wakes up i pull over to a gas station and feed him depending on how far away from home we are. babies learn very quickly how to manipulate there your cooking and they are crying..let them cry for a minute dont just rush over to them right away or they will exspect this from you everytime. . . hope i could help.

    Answer by sandraberke at 3:14 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • Just relax. every mom goes through it!! Its normal. I have 2 kids and i still feel guilty when my son cries when i put him to bed which hardly happens and he is almost 2!! My daughter is 3 1/2 months so it never really goes away but its something they have to learn that you cant be next to them or holding them every min of the day. It does get easier i promise.

    Answer by fgeith05 at 7:36 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

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