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junior high 101

after being sick for 2 weeks and in the house i have been able to watch a situation from the other side...my daughters friend mother is munipulating the girls and who plays with who when and basically leaving my daughter out for some reason.but this is a 45 yr old woman thats playing this not the girls.i dont know if i shoud just sit back and watch but my daughters feelings are starting to get hurt.ya she does play with other girls but she wants to play with this one and doesnt understand why she cant..should i approach her or just leave it...???

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snowmom974

Asked by snowmom974 at 2:17 PM on Feb. 18, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Ahhhh!!! Middle school! This is probably the hardest time in a girls life :(. Honestly, I would explain to my daughter that they do not need friends that arn't interested in really being true friends. Instead of confronting the mom (that's kind of "middle school" in itself), work at instilling integrity and self worth in your daughter. Try to make her see that she would be happier if she surrounded herself with people who value her as a person and cherish her friendship instead of trying force someone to include her. Rejection is so tough...especially at such a young age; but it's a fact of life that she has to learn eventually.
    hgibsonorc

    Answer by hgibsonorc at 2:22 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • Id approach the other mother without your dd knowing and ask her what her problem is. Tell her you have been observng and noticed for whatever her reasons she inserting herself n 12 yr old drama and that normally you wouldnt care but when your child is starting to get hurt then you do get involved. Tell the mother YOUR CHILD isnt allowed to play with hers anymore and take back that control she has over you and your child. Then tell your dd you talked to that girls mom and decided she was a lunatic and she shouldnt play with her dd because that child is going to grow up and be a lunatic too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:25 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • It took me until I was in college to realise who my true friends were. While telling your daughter that girls who ignore her aren't worth her time might make sense to you and other adults, it does not make sense to a child. They long for acceptance and are willing to trade "true" friendships just to be accepted and liked at school. You can't force them to look at their friendships the way you do, it is just the way adolescent girls are. Honestly, it's a much better situation that the mom is causing the problem and not the girls. It means that if you can reason with the mom, there's a chance that the girls might be really nice girls and could be great friends to your DD. I'd befriend the mom if I were you and talk to her about your observations. Maybe she's misinformed about something which is causing her to not have her DD hang out with yours and you can quickly and kindly set her straight solving the problem?

    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 4:12 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • If that isn't an option or doesn't work, I would then encourage my DD to think of other girls she could be friends with. I would then set up fun things for them all to do together and offer to take her and those girls places. I would be encouraging my DD to form her own social group where ANYONE is welcome.
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 4:15 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • sounds to me like the 45 year old GIRL wants to be back in school again.. she's just breeding the same sophmoric crap into her own child and your DD is going to be the brunt of it. I remember being in school and losing my best friend.. it hurt, and now, we are back to being friends, but it took 20 years to do it... you can see the issue, other moms can see the issue, but when you have a 45 year old girl that is trying to chose her daughters friends, that isnt right.. so maybe sit down with your DD and see if you can find a hobby she can get into out side of the school, and maybe have her meet friends that will actually value her and her time... and not treat her as a stepping stone..
    sweetscrappin

    Answer by sweetscrappin at 5:21 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

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