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As a single mom whos taking it slow on dating, when is it okay to involve your child?

I've been single for a year now, my child is 7, but I explained to the man im talking to that im not going to let him around my child until i feel its serious enough to do so, their for he can not come to my house & i don't see him very often because i always have my child with me, how can i possibly make a relationship when im ready for it, if i think & feel this way? am i wrong should i change my standards? should i put more effort? please state your opinions?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:54 PM on Jul. 18, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I think you're on the right trak actually. Maybe you can find friends for your child to stay with now and then while you have a date night, but you don't want to bring strangers around your kid, have him get attached, and then sad if you break up.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 3:58 PM on Jul. 18, 2013

  • There are always babysitters and relatives to watch your child for a date. If you are talking about needing to have him come to your home to have intercourse, well IMO, that is not what is needed before you know that this is the man you would like to live out your days with. When you and he are both in the thinking about spending your lives together, that is when you should really introduce them.
    I do not mean that you can not introduce them if you have a babysitter and he picks you up for a date. That would be rude and uncomfortable for everyone. What I do mean is introduce, as in spending a good deal of time with him. That is just my way of thinking and not necessarily the right path for you.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 4:22 PM on Jul. 18, 2013

  • Any man that is worth your time will understand your concerns for your son. If a guy gives you a hard time about it, he's not the one. Find someone you trust that can watch your son now and then for you to go out, trade off babysitting with another mom if you need to. When you know it's going to be a long term thing you can bring your son into it, but not before. Although when I was single I did watch how the guys I dated dealt with kids we came into contact with at the restaurant, movies, parks, etc because that can be telling.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:24 PM on Jul. 18, 2013

  • When you are in a committed relationship.
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 4:26 PM on Jul. 18, 2013

  • For me, it would be when I had an engagement ring on my finger and a date for the wedding on my calendar.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:42 PM on Jul. 18, 2013

  • I'm struggling with that very question too. Personally if i feel the man is right and we are serious I will introduce him to my son. But, then as time has gone on I have struggled with what would be right. My feelings are that you will no when it's the right time and when it won't be. That you don't have to have it all figured out right now. Going through all the changes and adjustments was difficult it may take longer and that's ok. I'm also a single mother, and my son is almost 4 and I was not sure what I will do, but I guess since i stopped dating again it doesn't really matter. good luck!
    Sillylins

    Answer by Sillylins at 5:41 PM on Jul. 18, 2013

  • You are not wrong to keep those two parts of your life separate until it's serious. And you don't need to figure out right now exactly what definition you want to apply to "serious" and when that will be. If he's pressuring you to give him a date that you will introduce your child to him, I'd rethink the relationship. While you definitely want someone who loves kids and will accept your kids, if he's pushing too hard to meet your kid(s), to me that's a sign that maybe he's not in this for the right reasons.

    My general rule is at least six months. Beyond that, it's a matter of when I feel comfortable, when I feel we're serious enough, and when I think my kids can handle it.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 5:54 PM on Jul. 18, 2013

  • I am not a single mom, but I think it really depends on the context. As in, it depends on what "involving your child" means, what you present. I have a hard time thinking I would (if single) wait to introduce my child to someone until I already planned to marry this person (& had a wedding date set!) but I don't think I would introduce someone to my child (as my boyfriend/SO) if I felt I wouldn't/couldn't marry or stay with the person.
    I've heard people point out (very sanely & reasonably) that kids experience all kinds of relationships & losses, and that it is artificial to assume that some rule applies UNIVERSALLY to dating relationships & children. When you wouldn't think to "protect" a child from meeting a friend (even though that person might move someday, etc.) Relationships can be enriching. I don't think all relationships are healthy (even if lasting, lol) so that's an important factor.
    To me, context matters.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 12:30 AM on Jul. 19, 2013

  • Good for you!
    morebee7

    Answer by morebee7 at 1:08 AM on Jul. 20, 2013

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