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Why do I feel this way?

I am a stepmom and have been one for 15 years + now that they are grown my dh still treats them like the way he is supposed to " a father " but even though I know this I feel a tad jealous bc now that they are grown I want him all to myself like I wish he would cut them off but I know that is absurd to even think that way and its not their fault that their parents didnt work out. I knew he had his kids when I met him but I dont know why I thought it wasnt gonna be that way all of the time seems now that they are adults they need dad more than ever. I guess I am a bit bitter bc I feel like I am getting the short end of the stick...bc all these years their mother has been hovering over my dh for more money on top of CS while she is working and receiving CS from her other ex dh and now has a bf that makes way good money and all I feel like she is receiving, receiving, receiving and we are struggling, struggling, struggling...no matter how many hours we put in and she just takes and takes with no care in the world and I despite her for that. Everytime they talk about her around us I dont want to hear it but cant avoid it. I know I am going to get a bash full of you ladies but I dont know how else to feel, I hate to even think this way...can someone say a kind word or two to make me feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel. I love my dh so very much I just dont want to feel this way any longer...
Needed to vent very badly...and thank you for listening.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:31 PM on Jul. 18, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • If they are adults now, why is he still paying child support? The only reason I can think of for that is that he didn't pay at some point, for long enough that he got far enough behind to have to still pay to get caught up. If that's the case, I don't blame her for hovering and trying to get that money - if I thought it would make my ex get off his lazy ass and get a job, I'd hover, too (not saying your husband is lazy or wasn't working, that's just my ex.).

    Other than that, I don't really know what to tell you. When you have children, it's for life. Even when they're adults, they still need you sometimes. He should have time for you, of course, but you can't reasonably expect him to just stop seeing/talking to his kids. The ex, on the other hand, he doesn't need to talk to. Even if he still owes child support, he can pay it through the courts and avoid talking to her except at weddings, birthday parties, etc. for grandkids.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:37 PM on Jul. 18, 2013

  • Seriously, we don't bash everyone, especially when it is clear that you are in pain and need :(

    First, how old are your stepchildren? You say they are grown but you also mention child support so, are you still having to pay? If so, for how much longer?

    Second, have you spoken to your husband about your concerns? You don't have to go into great detail about your resentment and such but you can easily let him know that you feel like your relationship with him is being harmed by this non stop emotional and financial sacrifice.

    Third, I do understand how you feel and I don't believe that you're in the wrong at all. Take a deep breath and see if you can open the lines of communication with your husband regarding this issue. Maybe a counselor to help you sort out your feelings would be beneficial as well
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 8:39 PM on Jul. 18, 2013

  • @ wendythewriter thank you for putting it the way you did... we are done with CS but shes always crying for something and of course he ignores her but if his kids ask him he helps if the funds are there.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:41 PM on Jul. 18, 2013

  • @ Mrs_Prissy thank you too :)
    She just thinks that my dh is making really good money so when ever their kids need something that has to cost something shes like go ask your dad, I guess this is why I dont care for her even though if I were to see her in person I would have to put my fake smile and be nice for my sk's.
    My sk's are 18 & 20 they live their mother. So they come visit us when possible. Also I failed to mention in my post my dh & I have two kids 8 & 10.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:52 PM on Jul. 18, 2013

  • I don't think anyone who has been a stepmom would call you down for feeling this way, although it's probably unrealistic to entertain the idea that your husband will cut off his adult kids. I sometimes feel jealous because so many of my boyfriend's resources go to his first family that I end up bearing the brunt of the costs for his second one. I would just say try to keep communicating calmly with your husband over this so that the resentment doesn't eat away at your relationship.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 9:37 PM on Jul. 18, 2013

  • Your husband needs to tell his ex the gravy train no longer runs all the way to her station and that she needs to STOP CALLING because the answer will forever be NO.

    His kids will always be his kids and you're right, he will never cut them off. Nor should he! If he did he would not be a person you want to be with.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:05 AM on Jul. 19, 2013

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