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My grown step daughter does not have a good relationship with her own mother and uses me on social network to get back at her. How do I approach this with her in a gentle way?

She won't talk to her mom about her feeling, although her father has told her that things won't get better between them unil she lets her mom know how she feels. She gets of facebook and calls me her mother and says how much she love me. This then upsets her mother. I am just trying to be a supportive step mother, but sometime feel like I am unwillingly being put out there as a way to upset her mother. Her dad has talked to her about this, but it is still going on. I am thinking about talking to her myself. How do I do this without hurting her feelings and looking like the wicked step mom? We have a good relationship although we live in different states and don't see each other much.

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dword729

Asked by dword729 at 9:28 AM on Jul. 19, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I wouldn't say or do anything if she is of the age you say she is.
    She's an adult, maybe not acting like one right now, but she is.
    Best thing to do is to ignore her.
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 9:37 AM on Jul. 19, 2013

  • Stay out of it and let them sort it out. She is allowed to tell you she loves you and especially if you were the nurturing person in her life, call you mom.
    I am sorry it hurts her mother but this is not your doing and it is not yours to sort out.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 9:39 AM on Jul. 19, 2013

  • I think you should stay out of it. You have no control over what someone else does, and if you get involved, it's likely to just make things worse.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 10:54 AM on Jul. 19, 2013

  • Agree that it's not yours to handle. So leave it be and let mom and daughter sort it out.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:13 AM on Jul. 19, 2013

  • I wouldn't get in the middle of it. If the mom is bothered by the girl's FB posts, maybe she'll bring them up to her daughter and that will open up a way for them to talk. If you get involved, one or both of them may make you the bad guy, and nothing between them will have a chance to e resolved.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 2:15 PM on Jul. 19, 2013

  • I agree, let those two work it out.
    morebee7

    Answer by morebee7 at 3:20 AM on Jul. 20, 2013

  • I would hide her feed. There are settings that you could do this with. Or you could make it impossible for her to post on your actual page. We had to do this with my step MIL. Just too much weird stuff. I would just let your SD know that you only want your own thoughts posted on your page.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 4:23 PM on Jul. 30, 2013

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