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2 Bumps

Ungrateful/spoiled kid or normal kid behavior?

okay so this morning i planned to take the kids to the movies, and i made the idiot mistake of telling them. but then i remembered we had swim lessons today so there went half the money i planned to spend, and i only had $25 left which is barely enough to cover the cost of 4 people at an amc theater (it would've been $24 plus tax to see a matinee) so i told them we'd go mini golfing and then get ice cream after. well at first my oldest was disappointed about the movies and said she wasn't going to play golf, i said fine, you can watch the rest of us play. so we get there and the prices went up. we play a game of golf and i remind them that we have ice cream at home, because at this point i dont have enough to go to the ice cream shop. well that wasn't good enough for her either. she said they make it better at the store... lol. so i compromise and stop at a gas station and get two pints of loaded ice cream with all the candy bits n crap (because at home we only had plain flavors) and she still decided she didn't want ice cream anymore. fine, whatever, my younger two did. we get to the register and they have these toys hanging from the candy shelf, different animals like frogs, cats and monkeys wrapped in a blanket. they were cheap so i let them each pick one. my middle one picked the last kitty one so my oldest settled for the monkey but complained the whole way home that she didn't get a kitty. i had enough at that point and told her how about a thank you for taking you golfing, buying ice cream and a new toy? we could've stayed home and done nothing. ugh are kids suppose to be like this at that age? she's six, turning seven in october. i know i know... i probably shouldn't have bought her a toy at all given her attitude throughout the morning. am i enabling this type of behavior?

 
tnm786

Asked by tnm786 at 10:47 AM on Jul. 19, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
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Answers (19)
  • At this age? With as many changes in plans as you ended up having? QUITE normal.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:52 AM on Jul. 19, 2013

  • I don't see it as a big issue. She's just in a mood. Forget it & next time just don't say what the plan is. I have done that before too & regretted it. Now when my Son asks where we are going I say "wherever the road takes us"! So wherever we end up is great!
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 10:59 AM on Jul. 19, 2013

  • Part of it is normal kid behavior. Let's face it they throw tantrums. However you are walking a thin line between "compromise" and "rewarding bad behavior" and that can send mixed signals to the kids and encourage the bad attitudes to continue, A sort of "well I know I won't get what I want but I'll get something regardless" mentality that will cause the behavior to continue in the future.
    KristiS11384

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 10:55 AM on Jul. 19, 2013

  • The best thing at this age is to not reveal any plan until you are ready to enact it. Then you just tell them "This is what we are going to do." If you tell them you are thinking about doing something, they think it's going to happen.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:07 AM on Jul. 19, 2013

  • You are dealing with normal. Those are a lot of feelings! Think about the degree of amazing/wonderful that the prospect of heading to a movie theater held! Then, it wasn't happening.
    There was a lot of adapting & adjusting going on (for your daughter), and since you were doing your OWN adapting & adjusting--feeling your own disappointment plus likely feeling stuck or trapped when you ended up facing situations that forced your hand but were out of your control (the prices went up so you didn't have enough left to cover the trip for ice cream you'd planned)--facing her feelings (expressed as complaints, grumbling or pouting) may have amplified your own feelings, so she may not have felt very supported. Which would extend the struggle, for her.
    I think you both were doing the best you could in the situation, honestly.
    Building on caring & empathy will support her in becoming genuinely resilient more than getting punitive will.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 12:11 PM on Jul. 19, 2013

  • I would have taken the toy away from her, not let her have ice cream, and go sit in her room, with no tv, no electronics, nothing but maybe a book. I don't tolerate my kids acting like that.
    josiesmommy00

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 10:50 AM on Jul. 19, 2013

  • Yeah, at this point, I think I'd have done like josiesmommy. I understand disappointment, and a little whining/complaining that I said we'd do something and then said no, we'll do something else instead is fine. But once they start bitching and moaning about every single frigging thing that happens, I'm done. They lose it all and can sit in their rooms and complain to each other. lol
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 10:52 AM on Jul. 19, 2013

  • At this age? With as many changes in plans as you ended up having? QUITE normal.

    to many changes and broken promises. normal reaction
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:57 AM on Jul. 19, 2013

  • To a six year old you did. You said you were going to the movies.
    You said that you were going golfing and ice cream instead.

    To a six year old that is a promise. They are supposed to be able to count on your words. They are supposed to be able to know that what you say is true. Just as with a punishment, you are supposed to stick to your words That is what children see. Can they count on you to mean what you say or can't they?
    It is up to you to foster that belief.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:51 AM on Jul. 19, 2013

  • I wouldn't have stopped to get ice cream OR given her the toy. Whenever my kids complain about something we have planned, they get a chore to do instead.
    BeaverHouse

    Answer by BeaverHouse at 10:56 AM on Jul. 19, 2013

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