Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Am I over thinking ??

I went out to eat with my boyfriends mom. When I ave her hug, she looked at me up and down, and said " with your little thick self".

I got a little offended. I'm not too comfortable with my weight right now, so it hurt a little.
An I over reacting? And "thick" is slang for meat on your bones basically. Could be a bad,
Or good thing.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:09 AM on Jul. 20, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • "With your thick little self" what?

    There had to be more to the conversation. I would probably be offended by it too. BUt we need more info.
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 2:26 AM on Jul. 20, 2013

  • I'm more mystified than offended on your behalf. I'm not even sure what your boyfriend's mom was trying to say. But my usual advice to people in situations where they're trying to decide how to feel about something someone said is to take it in the spirit with which they think it was intended. If you have a good relationship with your boyfriend's mom, if you usually get along, if she hasn't been unkind to you in the past, then take what she said as a blunder and let it go. Maybe a half-baked thought fell out wrong. It happens. If she's critical of you or your weight, or if she's been unkind before, then there might have been more malice in what she said and you'll have to figure out what, if anything, you should do about it.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 2:37 AM on Jul. 20, 2013

  • Nope. It went exactly like this.
    *She hugs me* and then goes..."bye with your little thick self". And I just said bye back.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:23 AM on Jul. 20, 2013

  • Sweety, it's all about how you feel about yourself. No one needs to know more about the conversation, or anything like that. If YOU felt offended, or even confused, be honest. Call mom up, or go over (if she hugged you I'm assuming you two have the "typical mother-in-law" syndrome relationship.... Sounded a tad catty to me... But hey, no ones ever going to be good enough for HER son, am I on the $$?
    Give her a visit or a call, and very NICELY, very ladylike, let her know that you respect her opinions... Remind her of what she said when she hugged you, and straight up ask her what she thinks about your appearance. Let her know you want to be beautiful and attractive for her son. In some cultures, they PREFER thickness on women! (I learned this after dieting most of my teen years!). When you feel beautiful on the inside, your glow radiates!!! Good luck!
    ESMsa

    Answer by ESMsa at 4:32 AM on Jul. 20, 2013

  • Uh oh! She's a Biacha! Remember you are marrying his family too when you marry him. Trouble awaits! She is going to be a PITA! How much do you like this guy. His Mom is FOREVER! I live it!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:27 AM on Jul. 20, 2013

  • depends on the relationship, tone and is this the way she speaks?

    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 9:15 AM on Jul. 20, 2013

  • I can see why you'd be uncertain about that comment. Moreover, since you are not comfortable with your weight right now, it makes sense that you'd feel a little offended by the comment, both because you're not sure how to take it, and because it references an area about which you're a little sensitive. But that reaction on your part doesn't really tell you what your boyfriend's mom intended or meant.
    Honestly, I can "hear" a comment like that as affectionate & approving OR snide & disapproving. Just like you said, being assessed as having meat on your bones could be meant as a compliment or a criticism, depending on the person's perspective.
    But I totally can see it as reflecting a comfortable, playful relationship between you--a definitely positive opinion. It also could reflect surprise at whatever she noticed with the physical contact, such as there is more "thickness" to that little self than one would expect just looking!
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 10:12 PM on Jul. 20, 2013

  • I had a mother in law that commented all the time about my weight and how I eat. The thing was she wasn't small herself. I was to polite and never stood up to her out of respect to my husband at the time. But now he's an ex. anyways I would be offended and feel taken back by it as well. I would stand up to her and let her know how it makes me feel but also think about if it rings true to you and change it for you not for someone else.
    Sillylins

    Answer by Sillylins at 1:54 AM on Jul. 21, 2013

  • I would casually bring the subject back-up.
    morebee7

    Answer by morebee7 at 5:16 AM on Jul. 21, 2013

  • That would be a compliment in my world! Skinny = bad!
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:09 AM on Jul. 22, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN