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A Stay at home Mothers feelings..

Even though My husband tells me what is his is ours and I know it is.Why do I feel so like I'm not intitled to as much as he is.I always feel guilty for not bringing in any money.He doesn't make me feel this way I do.I even wander sometimes what am I intitled too, even though I clean and do everything around here and everyday.I keep a nice clean home and pretty good cook....and a mommy 4 x.I just always feel when we go shopping that I can't ask for anything that he worked hard for this money.whats wrong with me??

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:29 PM on Feb. 18, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Nothing is wrong with you. I felt that way for awhile until I had a convo with the hubby. He pointed out all that I do and he could never do those things. Being SAHM is equal to two full time jobs so you are entitled to buy things. You need to come to terms with the fact that you work just as hard, if not harder, than he does.
    kboney29

    Answer by kboney29 at 2:31 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • I feel the same way, and my husband always tries to buy me stuff i don't need and to get me to snap out of it, but i can't. I just feel guilty. But i grew up in a house that didn't have alot of money, and I've worked from the age of 10 babysitting until i could get a job at 16 waiting tables. And i've always worked extremely hard for anything i've ever had, so now not working and taking care the of house and family doesn't seem to be putting enough financially into the house and that's where i feel guilty. I feel like since i'm not contributing financially, i shouldn't be willing to spend money on me, especially on stuff that's not completely needed. And honestly, i also feel guilty about buying stuff for me that is completely needed. Just because i don't earn a paycheck, but my husband is so sweet about all of it.
    FinleyFirst

    Answer by FinleyFirst at 2:33 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • I'll tell you what's wrong with you, you're like many MANY other women out there. But it is silly to have that way of thinking. Just think of it this way, if some dummy came up to you and said "you don't do anything but sit around at home all day and leech off your husband" wouldn't you defend yourself because you clearly DON'T sit on your butt all day. Your husband does hard work providing for his family financially you do your hard work making a home for your family. You are entitled.
    Apr1l

    Answer by Apr1l at 2:38 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • I love and totally agree with Apr1l's answer! Well said!
    jokermom

    Answer by jokermom at 3:05 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • I feel the same way sometimes. I'm finally starting to get over it but I've been the one working in our relationship since I was 14 so it's a tough change! I feel like I can't buy anything for myself and if I do I feel as if I should apologize for it or explain myself! Hubby always tells me I deserve it...and I know I do! And you do too!!!!! We work just as hard, if not harder, than our wonderful hubby's!
    manamott

    Answer by manamott at 3:12 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • I can totally relate as well.... My hubby tells me all the time to be proud of the fact that I can stay home, I tell him it's not that I'm not, it's that I feel like I should contribute..... He say's I do.. But again I still feel like I don't. I think my problem comes from a father that told me all I would ever amount to in my life was a diaper changer and housekeeper, and an ex-hubby that put me down for being tired with 2 babies 13 months apart and not at his beck and call 24/7... I think its a self asteem issue and it will take time to get over... And it's a loneliness thats hard to describe, I love being here for our boys but I feel left out a lot... Ok I'm going to go boohoo some more, sorry for not being any help...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:12 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • I have not felt that way. I know what I do is as important if not more so than what my husband does. I handle the finances, cook, clean, care for our child, help with homework, kiss boo boos, handle all family activities, volunteer at the school, take my child to practice, do laundry, cook some more, run all errands and have 2 -3 hour sex sessions with my husband 5 or more nights a week. I think I do a lot and feel no guilt in spending our money.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:34 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • If you are worried about your worth, nothing defines the dollar value of a marriage like divorce. And stay-at-home-moms reap the highest rewards. Try having an affair and then divorcing him for your boyfriend. You will get 50% of everything and then you'll get spousal support too for many years.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:18 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

  • Kboney is right. I had the exact same convo with my husband at the begining of our marriage and it helped me alot. He also pointed out i was giving up my life to raise our children and help him.
    Mummytomore

    Answer by Mummytomore at 5:28 PM on Feb. 18, 2009

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